My weight loss journey

Walk for Hunger Recap

2011-09-08T11:50:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I know it's been a good 4 months or so since the Walk for Hunger happened. One thing led to another and I never seemed to post about it. I actually wrote the post the day after it happened, but I didn't pull the photos off my camera until recently. Ok, here goes!

The Walk for Hunger:
Well, I did it! I finished all 20 miles of the Walk for Hunger. I am unbelievably proud of myself and couldn't be more pleased. I was also unbelievably sore and achy, but I guess that comes with the territory!

I started off the day running a little late. I meant to get to the course around 7:30 am (the rolling start was 7-9am). What with all of the last-minute preparations I ended up doing, I finally started a little after nine. That in itself was a little stressful since I wasn't sure that they'd let me register after nine and I was also worried about being able to finish the course by 7pm when the finish line officially closed. My mom volunteered to drive me to the course, but we discovered that the roads had been closed pretty quickly and had to race to make it to Boston Common by another route. I eventually ended running/walking the last half mile to register.

I finally got to Boston Common (where the starting line was), and registered in the Heart and Sole tent (reserved for walkers who have raised more than $500 for the Walk for Hunger). I handed my sheet to one of the guys working there, and he asked me how many walks I'd done. I replied that it was my first and his eyebrows shot up. "Wow! That's really rare to raise this much money on your first time!" I felt really proud of myself, and that definitely helped to give me an extra little jolt of motivation. I was given a badge, a large tag (both were to show that I'd registered), and a free t-shirt that had the Walk for Hunger logo on the front and the words "Heart & Sole" on the back.

After a few pictures, I crossed the starting line at the edge of Boston Common at 9:10am, and I was off! The first mile was sort of difficult - my legs felt really fatigued and I wasn't sure that I could do the whole 20 miles feeling like that. I was also getting worried about my ability to complete the course in time...and I knew that I'd be devastated if I didn't get my certificate of completion at the end. Luckily, after the first mile my muscles started to warm up and I felt fantastic! Walking felt easy, fun, and didn't seem like work at all. After the first mile, I stopped for a pit stop (I stayed very well hydrated through the course, which was good...the tradeoff is that I had to stop every 1-2 miles for a pit stop. Do you have any idea how much I hate port-a-potties? A whole lot! I never use them...EVER...and I'm pretty sure that I used them more in 10 hours than I have done in the past 20 years. Fortunately, after a while I was much too tired to care much).

Mile 2 was much easier because my leg muscles had warmed up. However, this is when the course started to get harder. Miles 2-4 were pretty much solidly uphill. The hills were steep, too! I was impressed with how well I did on the hills, given my previous track record with hiking, hills, and my tendency to whine/stop frequently for breath. In fact, at one point, I even thought "Gosh, it would be nice to go hike a couple of mountains this summer," a sentiment that I'd never even come remotely close to feeling before. I guess all that training really paid off! My ankle and shin also started to hurt around this time - fortunately, when I tightened my shoelaces, the ankle pain went away and the shin pain lessened and never got too bad.

Miles 5-7 were gorgeous. I felt wonderful and was going strong. I didn't feel tired at all! The course took me around the Chestnut Hill reservoir, as well as along some sun-dappled streets with beautiful flowers. My only complaint is that it was COLD going around the reservoir - the wind coming off the water was pretty fierce.

Around about mile 8, I started to feel the burn. I was tired, but it was still definitely manageable. I kept on going strong, and I quickly made it to mile 10. At mile 10, I took my first break (OMG, did I really walk for 10 miles without stopping? WOW!). My mom wanted to meet me about halfway, but she was running behind (if you know her in real life, you'll know that this is a pretty typical occurrence), so I sat down to wait for her and ate some of my trail mix. After about 10 minutes of waiting (which is like being early, if you are my mother), I met up with mom and she took some pictures, then walked half a mile with me.

The next rest station was supposed to be at mile 11.5, but I'm pretty sure it was at mile 12 (that's what all the volunteers said, and it seemed like I walked a really long time from the mile 11 marker to get there). Somewhere shortly after mile 10, I started to get pretty tired...the last mile, from 11 to 12 I was on the verge of exhaustion and was just trying to hang in there 'till I got to the snack stop at mile 11.5. I wish I'd known that it was actually at mile 12 - I nearly started crying because I'd been walking forever on what I thought was half a mile, and couldn't imagine completing the course if that's what .5 miles felt like. If I'd known that we were actually walking double that amount, I would have felt a lot less dispirited.

Finally, I got to the rest stop. It was held in a park, which was convenient for them, although getting to it involved a pretty stiff climb up a hill. They had sandwiches, snacks, and juice for all the walkers. I turned up my nose at the sandwiches (why eat weirdly fluffy, overprocessed white bread in the style a la wonderbread, when I could eat my own sandwich made on sourdough with prosciutto, avocado, and parmesan). I did take the snacks, however - there were some chili-lime pita chips that were ok, though a little too sweet, a pretty awesome larabar, a granola bar (which I still have), and a nutrigrain bar which I didn't take. The juice was also fantastic, and I chugged that faster than you can say "frat boy."

I wanted to rest a little more, but when I looked at the time I saw that it was 2:30 already. Yikes! I got worried again about my ability to make it to the finish line on time. After (yet another) pit stop, I kept going. Now, the going was actually hard. I saw huge buses full of people being shuttled back to the start line - I guess this was a popular place to stop), but I somehow found the energy to keep going. I was dragging, but not absolutely spent. The miles seemed to go much slower now. I made sure to take a picture at the mile 13 marker to celebrate the fact that I'd just completed a half marathon. Woohoo! By mile 14, I started stopping to rest every mile or so. I was so tired, and my feet hurt. Miles 12-20 were also freezing since we were walking by the river and there was a fierce and icy headwind. I started to get cold and shivery. It was definitely an effort to keep going, but I knew that I'd be disappointed in myself if I stopped.

At mile 15, I collapsed onto a bench being occupied by an elderly woman. She'd never heard of the Walk for Hunger, but thought it was marvelous! Mile 16 was (emotionally) the hardest for me - the course passed right by my house at one point (well, only a couple of blocks away) and I kept on thinking how easy it would be to just turn onto my street and go home. Fortunately, I kept chugging along. I entirely missed the mile 17 marker which was similarly dispiriting as the mile 11.5 rest stop. I nearly freaked out when I saw the mile 18 sign and thought it said 17 (fortunately, it was 18). If I though miles 12-16 were bad, miles 16-18 were even worse. My feet and calves ached and I started shaking a little bit from the cold. I started to rest every half mile or so. I wasn't sure that I could make it, but knew that I had to keep on going since I'd already made it this far.

Miles 18-20 were absolute agony. We went over the Smoots bridge (which is 364.4 Smoots long, plus or minus 1 ear, approximately 620.1 meters) and it felt like it went on forever. The wind was going full force and I was freezing. Mile 19-20 felt surreal. I was in so much pain, just moving mechanically and putting one step in front of the other. The prettiest part of the route was the last 200 yards or so, which went through the public gardens. There were tons of tulips everywhere, though quite honestly I was too tired to care much.

Finally (FINALLY!) the finish line came in sight. I stumbled under the balloon arch and tried not to cry from relief and pain (I spent miles 18-20 breaking into tears at the thought of crossing the finish line and imagining how proud I would be). By that point, I was so tired that I couldn't even jump and scream with excitement like I'd pictured myself doing all day :-) I made my way over to the check in tent, proudly presented my map of the course which had all of the check-in points stamped, and received my certificate of completion!

I started at 9:10 am and finished at 5:50 pm - a little over 8 hours, though I'm sure I used up at least an hour and a bit with lunch, various rest stops, and many pit stops. I felt like I was going really fast at the beginning and much slower at the end, but looking at my times pre/post lunch, I actually think it was the other way around!

I then got picked up by my dad, which was good since I don't think I could have walked home, or even taken the subway. I got home and took a long, really hot bath to help my muscles relax. I think I should have had some water first, since I got very, very sick directly afterwards (why does no one ever mention this part about extreme physical exertion?) and it was probably due to dehydration and an electrolyte imbalance. I spent the rest of the evening lying around the house on the sofa, exhausted, in pain, and battling nausea.

I woke up the next morning feeling sore, although not in the places I would necessarily have expected. My shins, calves, thighs, and feet were sore (expected), but my lower back is sorer (unexpected). I guess the back is more involved in walking than I thought! I also still felt some nausea, though that got better as the day went on. It took a full five days before my legs and back muscles stopped hurting! The first couple of days were the worst (I felt nausea for a couple of days too) and after that I felt better.

I'm so proud of myself for doing something as amazing as this. Had anyone ever told me that I would walk 20 miles in one day, I would have laughed myself silly and told them to dream on! At my most un-athletic (when I was at my heaviest weight), I couldn't walk more than a block without having to stop and rest. To walk 20 full miles was so empowering - it helped show me how much I've taken control and no longer sit on the sidelines watching the world go by. I was also super proud of the fact that I raised $625 dollars to feed hungry families in Massachusetts - that can feed a family for several months!

All in all it was a great experience. It was definitely hard, but it was so worth it.

Check out this nifty giveaway!

2011-09-08T10:29:00.000-04:00

Kenlie over at All the Weigh is giving away a majorly awesome prize - a 10-piece Calphalon Unison Nonstick Cookware Set. How cool is that? Know, you guys know how much I love cooking - I'm always in the kitchen :-) Winning this would be so cool. not to mention it would help fill in some of the equipment that I'm currently lacking.

The contest is running until September 14th, so hurry on over to here and enter. Good luck!

Wow, really?

2011-07-03T17:24:00.002-04:00

I can't believe that it's been 2 months since I last posted. Time really flies. I'll try and update more soon, but for now I just wanted to pop in and say hi.

Tomorrow's the big day!

2011-04-30T22:54:00.000-04:00

Well, this is it! Tomorrow I will be walking 20 miles in the Walk for Hunger. I managed to raise $525 dollars which is well and above what I ever thought possible. My friends and family have been so supportive and amazing. I've walked and walked and walked some more. So far, the longest stretch I've done is 12 miles, but tomorrow I'm hoping to do all 20. I'm nervous, excited, and whole range of emotions in between. It's going to be long, but I believe I can do it.

Wish me luck!

Pond hopping

2011-04-07T21:36:00.003-04:00

I can't quite believe that this day has come, but...

I just bought a one-way ticket to England. As in, I am moving to a DIFFERENT COUNTRY. For at least 2 years. (Insert minor freakout here) Come September, I'll be hopping the pond and moving to England for grad school.

I'm feeling a lot of excitement mixed with a pinch of nervousness...and joy...and terror...and elation...and, well, you get the point.

Eek/yay?

Well, hello there...

2011-04-07T21:36:00.000-04:00

Usually, when I fall off the grid and stop posting, it's because I've stopped following WW healthy eating guidelines or I'm gaining weight, or both.

Amazingly, this time it was neither. Simply put, a series of stressful events got in the way of blogging. Throughout it all, however, I actually managed to keep exercising, eating healthily, and losing weight. I'm now below 130 pounds, a number that I struggled so hard to get down to! My Walk for Hunger training is going well (I walked 12 miles!), though I'm going to have to tone it back for the next couple of weeks since I injured my calf muscles. I've even met my fundraising goal of $500. Wow!

Walk for Hunger Training, Week 2

2011-02-20T20:16:00.000-05:00

Monday: 2.5 miles walked to/from work
Wednesday: 3.5 miles walked on treadmill
Thursday: 3.5 miles walked to/from work and during my lunch break
Friday: 3 miles walked to/from work
Saturday: 6 miles walked (a new record!)
Total miles walked this week: 18.5

Overall, a good week. I think I could have pushed myself a little harder (for instance, on Tuesday I drove to work and didn't walk at all), but I was feeling fatigued and a little bit off. A trip to urgent care on Saturday solved that problem, and it felt good to know that I was feeling bad for a reason other than simply being lazy and not wanting to exercise. Despite all of this, I managed to do my end-of-the-week long walk and felt really proud of myself for finishing it!

My goals for the upcoming week are simple: walk to work every day and walk more than 20 miles in one week. Totally manageable, provided that we don't get a snowstorm...again :-)

Welcome to my life

2011-02-19T23:29:00.000-05:00

Today I did my weekly long walk for my Walk for Hunger training. I walked 6 miles - officially a new record for me! The most I'd ever walked before was 4.5 miles in one go (or 5 miles spread out in shorter 1-2 mile bursts throughout the day), and I'd only ever done that once. 6 miles is the most that I've ever done in a day AND in one go. Yay for me!

Going into it, I felt great and thought it might even be possible for me to do 8 miles. Only a couple miles into it, though, and I was not feeling too hot. I was really puzzled about that - last week, I felt stellar after doing 4 miles, and probably could have done 5 or even 6 had I not needed to rush off to attend chorus rehearsal. Only a week later (when I theoretically should have felt stronger), my legs were tired after only 2 miles (last week, they weren't tired even after mile 4). I kept going, but it was hard!

Earlier this morning, I noticed a spot of scar tissue on my back that was really red and swollen and twice as big as usual. After I got back from exercise, I headed directly over to the urgent care (I LOVE the fact that my doctor's office is open 9-5 on Saturday and Sunday, thus avoiding a trip to the emergency room). A routine run-through of BP and temp showed that I was running a fever.

Turns out, the scar is infected. The scar from a surgery that happened 8 YEARS AGO. Welcome to my life.

Things should be back to normal soon, but it sure explains why I was feeling so fatigued today, and, for that matter, why I felt so crummy all week. It's kind of makes my accomplishment today a little more awesome, though, because I did it even though I was under the weather.

Please sponsor me in the Walk for Hunger!

2011-02-15T20:43:00.002-05:00

By now, you're probably well aware that I'm participating in this year's Walk for Hunger. Although I'm using the Walk for Hunger's 20 mile course as a fitness challenge and as a way to celebrate my continued efforts at weight loss, the Walk for Hunger means so much more than that to me.

Let's face it: the economy has been rough in the past few years. As someone who recently graduated from college, I spent close to a year being either unemployed, underemployed, or working for free. More than ever before, I gained an understanding of what it means to live paycheck by paycheck. While I was fortunate enough to have a roof over my head and food to eat, others are not. By supporting me in my efforts to raise money for Project Bread, you will be helping those individuals who, due to the economy or other circumstances, are unable to put food on the table.

Please consider donating to the Walk for Hunger using my personal sponsorship page (found HERE). I've made it a goal to raise at least $500 dollars for Project Bread, and I still have a long way to go. You can donate as much or as little as you want to - every little bit counts.

Thanks!

Walk for Hunger Training, Week 1

2011-02-13T22:04:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure if this really counts as a whole week of training, since I really only started on Wednesday, but I actually did quite well! All told, I walked 12.1 miles this week - the number includes the 2.5-3 miles I walk each day to and from work (though this week I drove/rode the bus a lot).

Wednesday: 1.5 miles on the treadmill
Thursday: 2.5 miles walking to/from work plus 1.6 miles on the treadmill
Friday: 2.5 miles to/from work plus 1 hour of yoga
Saturday: 4 miles (continuous walking!) on the treadmill

I was amazed at how well I did on the treadmill on Saturday - I've only ever walked 4 miles in one go once and I felt EXHAUSTED afterward. This time, though, after the first half mile or so it was pretty smooth going. Honestly, I could have easily gone to 5 miles or more, but I had to rush off because I was late for something else. I was really proud of how well I did, and how far my fitness levels have come. It made me see that I CAN do the 20 miles if I really work hard between now and May 1st.

My one pet peeve about this training program is that it's too cold to walk outside - my lungs and muscles tend to seize up if it's below 55 degrees, and it won't get to be that temperature for at least another couple of months - and it's hard to do extended workouts at the gym. The problem is, my gym has a policy that you can't sign up for a cardio machine for more than half an hour...which is irritating, but not insurmountable. It just means that I can't stay on the same machine and I have to keep signing up for new ones. I wish I could just stay on the same one, though, since it would be nice to know all my stats at the end of a really long workout!

Eek!

2011-02-09T22:16:00.000-05:00

This is a huge leap of faith for me, considering that just a little under two years ago I was overweight and unable to walk 2 blocks without pausing for a rest, but....

...wait for it....

....still there?

I just signed up for the Walk for Hunger! Which, in case you're not from around these parts, means that on May 1st (less than 3 months away!) I will be walking 20 miles in one sitting. Though come to think of it, sitting is the last thing I'll be doing :-)

EEK!!!!

Anyone got any good training tips?

Get. Me. Out. Of. Here.

2011-02-05T19:46:00.002-05:00

Just when I thought the weather couldn't be any more irritating, I was proven wrong. Shortly after I woke up this morning, my downstairs neighbor starts pounding on my door.

"There's water pouring from my ceiling and it's coming from YOUR room!" says she.

In a panic, I start freaking out. "What?!?!?!" I make a mad dash to my bedroom, and find that it is remarkably (gasp, pant, panic) dry. I run quickly to my sister's room and fling open the door to find that it is remarkably DRENCHED. There is water pouring from her ceiling, presumably from the roof (which is directly above). We keep her door closed when she's off at school...it could have been days or weeks until we'd discovered the water, had it not been for our neighbor.

We do our best to stop the flow, setting up pots and pans and large plastic tarps, then head up to the roof. Which is only accessible by a very rickety ladder. Which doesn't actually go all the way up to the roof's trapdoor. And to make it those 2 extra feet, you have to fling yourself onto the roof. Which immediately drops 75 feet onto the ground below.

Generally, I forget about my fear of heights. Mostly because the opportunity to make itself known rarely presents itself. As I made my way up the ladder, there were tears in my eyes, and at the top I froze completely. How I found the strength to get onto the roof, I'll never know, but I did.

We spent hours up there, shoveling off the foot or so of snow that had accumulated up there, then chipping off a 4 inch thick layer of ice so that the area with the leak had a clear run to the drainage tube. We had to go slowly, because the only thing stopping the roof from leaking was a thin layer of rubber. My friends, when I buy a house you can be d*** sure that I won't be buying a house with a flat top roof and inferior rubber sheeting.

The affected room is a total mess and a lot of books in there got drenched. Books, I can deal with. I'm a book conservator, for Pete's sake! Everything else, though... I want to cry. I seriously nearly broke down this afternoon. The ceiling is very water damaged and I'm hesitant to even think of all the work that needs to be done. We haven't even told my sister about her room yet.

I hate this weather, I really do. We've got months of winter left, and I'm horribly depressed about it. This is too much. As bad as I wanted to go to somewhere sunny like California or Florida last week, today's events have made that desire so strong that I can hardly stand it.

Springtime, hurry up!

It fits!

2011-02-02T15:28:00.000-05:00

I bought a few shirts a couple of weeks ago that were slightly too small, trusting that (what with my new resolutions and all) they'd fit. I know, I know that violates every fashion/dieting rule ever. You're supposed to buy clothes for the size you are, not the size you want to be. However, the shirts were on sale and they only had those particular sizes (or smaller), so I took a gamble.

It was, on second thought, a rather large gamble. Given all my broken promises and resolutions that I'd made to myself since June, I could very well have gained more weight.

But you know what? This morning, I slipped on the shirt without thinking and it fit. It wasn't merely an acceptable-if-I-camouflaged-it-with-a-sweater kind of fit, it was an I-genuinely-look-good-in-this kind of fit. Hooray! Up until now, I hadn't felt like anything looked that different, but I guess this shows that even if I can't immediately see it, things are headed in the right direction.

Weekly Weigh-In 1/24/2011

2011-01-27T20:50:00.000-05:00

Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Last weigh in: 133.6 pounds
Today: 131.8 pounds
Loss this week: 1.8 pounds
Total lost: 22 pounds

I had to skip a weekly weigh-in last week because I was so darn busy and also because (due to the new WW points system) I hadn't lost any weight. Turns out, the new points system is excellent for the taller folks, but not so great for the little 'uns like me! At the time, I found it a bit odd that I was told to eat the exact same amount of points that my mother (who is 45 pounds heavier) was, and even noted that it felt like I was eating too much food. It seemed like every time I stepped on the scale, I weighed a little more.

In the old points system, you were supposed to eat at least your minimum daily points target or you wouldn't lose weight, so I figured it was the same with the PointsPlus system. However, since I felt like my points target (which was the lowest possible one, by the way) was too high, this week I stopped measuring points and eating only until I felt full (but no further). I was thrilled when I managed to drop a couple of pounds by this method!

I talked to my WW leader this week and noted my concerns. After confirming that I was meeting all my good health guidelines (5+ servings fruits and vegetables per day, 2+ servings dairy, 2 teaspoons of healthy oil, 6-8 glasses of water, exercise, etc.) she seconded my current game plan. Simply put, I naturally burn less calories because I am short and am only a little overweight. Therefore, the plan gives me too much food (it's a little one-size-fits-all in this respect) and so it's ok for me to eat a little less.

I am proud of my continued efforts and I'm glad that I've lost weight again this week. Yay!

Too cold to exercise

2011-01-24T21:57:00.000-05:00

Given the fairly mild weather we've had so far this year, I'd convinced myself that we'd lucked out on the brutal coldness that my state sees fit to dish up every year. I figured that since the shortest day had come and gone, the weather could only get better from here on out.

WRONG WRONG WRONG

Do you know how cold it was when I walked to work this morning?

-1 degree Fahrenheit

Lemme repeat that for y'all.

NEGATIVE ONE DEGREE FAHRENHEIT!!!!! Also known as utterly unacceptable.

When I stepped out of the house this morning, it was so cold, my skin felt like it was burning. That extra special coat that I bought which has the highest possible cold weather chill factor? Still had me shivering. Let's not even talk about my poor, hypothermia-ridden thighs which were encased rather inadequately by a pair of flimsy corduroys.

Seriously, what's a girl to do in this absolutely abominable weather? It's WAY to cold to even go for a walk, let alone a run. On days where I can't get to the gym, I comfort myself in the fact that I walk at least 3 miles a day to and from work. Today I couldn't even have that - it was too cold to even be outside! In the few minutes from car to workplace today, my hair froze instantly every time I breathed on it.

I suppose the solution would be to just suck it up and go to the gym. Or, you know, I could just solve the whole problem by moving to California....

Weekly Weigh-In 1/12/11

2011-01-12T18:42:00.000-05:00

I can't tell you how long it's been since I last weighed in. Oh well, never mind!

Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Last weigh in: 135.6 pounds
Today: 133.6 pounds
Loss this week: 2.0 pounds
Total lost: 20.2 pounds

It was just that easy

2011-01-12T18:34:00.000-05:00

For the past who-knows-how-many months, I've been bemoaning my inability to lose weight. Or, rather, my inability to stick with my WW plan for more than a day or two. There were many years where I just ate and ate, unaware how to diet or how to eat enough without overindulging.

I was genuinely puzzled as to why I managed to follow my Weight Watchers plan perfectly every single day for two months, then continue to follow it for the next 9 months (albeit with the occasional "splurge meal" - nevertheless, I was losing weight). However, following my trip to France, all bets were off. I didn't gain weight while there, but once I got back I seemed unable to (or possibly unwilling) to go back to counting points, watching what I ate, and going to WW meetings. As time went on, I kept on telling myself that I'd go back to a meeting as soon as I'd lost weight...and yet the pounds kept piling on.

Since a new year traditionally signals a new start, I decided to suck it up and go back to Weight Watchers. True, the weigh in was a little bit painful, but I was delighted to discover that I'd lost a couple of pounds in between Christmas and that point simply by getting in a walk every day and making some healthier choices. Better yet, once I went back to the basics - writing everything that I ate down, measuring, following the good health guidelines, etc., following my WW plan became much less of a burden.

It's not rocket science, but it's working. From an outsider's point of view, it's easy to say "here's what you should do," but I was so close to the issue that I was unable to see clearly.

Coming soon: a review of the new Weight Watchers PointsPlus System!

So far, so good!

2010-12-30T21:53:00.000-05:00

Today I actually managed to follow my healthy eating plan - I ate so well during the day that I even had enough WW points for a small slice of homemade pineapple upside-down cake. For exercise, I got in a long walk and also went ice skating with friends for close to 3 hours.

Skating is actually a pretty good workout - it helps strengthen your core, as well as gets your heart pumping. In a way, it's a bit like running in the sense that you are moving your legs and going fast, yet it's lower intensity and doesn't hurt your knees. It's perfect for someone like me who isn't necessarily up to, say, running but wants to build stamina.

Dinner was also a success - I'm nursing a cold and don't feel well, so I was SO tempted to just get takeout with friends and have done with it. Fortunately, I kept strong to my resolve and went home to cook dinner instead. I was so proud of myself!

Better yet, dinner prep was fast (start to finish was about 45 mins and would probably have been less had I not taken the time to do dishes along the way and had started preheating the oven earlier. I made miso-glazed cod, cayenne-ginger sweet potatoes and broccoli - it was SO delicious and was healthy to boot. Recipes to come!

Here we go again!

2010-12-30T11:28:00.000-05:00

I know, I know...I haven't posted in ages. Truly, with the way the holiday season has been going, I often thought of posting but was either too busy or felt like I had nothing to say aside from "AGGHEIHGKHSDFG too much food is in my house!" Being with my family over the holidays has made me realize how much license we tend to give each other over food. "Oh, she's having cheese, potatoes, and chocolate for breakfast...I guess I can too!"

There have been numerous studies done where scientists have shown again and again that the eating patterns of one's parents often determine the way you eat and also whether you are overweight or not. Other studies have indicated that if friends or loved ones around you are overweight, you are more likely to become that way too.

What this tells me is that human beings are excellent imitators and skilled at stockpiling energy reserves. It is, after all, a survival instinct - historically, food was in rare supply. If you had access to it, you ate it in the hopes that it would tide you over until the next windfall. As a child, you learned what was safe to eat by watching your parents.

Nowadays, we have access to more food than we know what to do with. And so, we eat. And because our children see us eating in excess, they learn to eat that way too.

At this point in time, everyone in my family is overweight - ranging from marginally overweight to obese. As a family, we became this way together and I rather suspect that we'll need each other to get out of it as well.

You can't change anybody but yourself. I really want to help my family get in shape and eat the right things, but I can't do that for them. For one thing, it's not my place, and secondly, the motivation has to come from within or it won't stick.

What I can do is change myself. Exercise regularly and eat healthily. Hopefully, this new pattern of behavior will affect other members of my family - if I am cooking a balanced meal each night, they'll be eating it too. When I head off to the gym, maybe I'll gain some gym buddies along the way. Because, while studies have shown that obesity is a social epidemic, maintaining a healthy weight and lifestyle is also best done with a supportive network of others who are also doing the same for themselves.

Happy birthday to me!

2010-12-05T16:47:00.000-05:00

Today is my 24th birthday! So far, it's been a great day - got up in the morning and had a lovely breakfast with my parents (poached eggs on creamed spinach, sourdough bread, fried tomatoes (English-style) and steaming cups of tea. They gave me a very high-quality chef's knife (8" Sabatier K from France, for any foodies out there) and a collection of bluegrass CD's as well as a chocolate sampler. I gave myself the gift of a year-long gym membership which will probably come in handy after I eat all that chocolate!

I also went over to my friend Nat's house and she stuck a candle in a latke and sang happy birthday to me :-) It was super amazing and totally unique! We also watched Glee and sang along to many of the songs.

Tonight, I'll go to the Vespers/Christmas Concert at my old Alma Mater with my friend Xenia - we were both in choir and it'll be fun to go back. This is always my favorite choir concert of the year, particularly because the singers process up the aisles with real candles.

Truthfully

2010-12-04T14:13:00.000-05:00

Often times, I feel like a total tool for even writing this blog. I mean, I was nearly 20 pounds overweight, to be sure, but given that other people in my life (such as my mom, dad, grandma, and a handful of college friends) are more significantly overweight than me, I feel guilty for even having self esteem issues about weighing more than I should. If I feel bad about the way I look, do they feel like I'm subtly criticizing them too? I'm not, of course, and the fact that they're overweight never even crosses my mind - a fact that should clue me in that maybe because I don't judge them, they're not judging me either.

Nevertheless, I do feel bad for being frustrated that I'm not yet at my goal weight when Mary-last-year would have been thrilled to be in the normal weight category and my mom (who is also trying to lose weight) would be thrilled to weigh 10 pounds more than I do right now. I guess I feel as if my fears, frustrations, and struggles are insignificant and/or selfish because I have less of a weight problem than other people in my life.

This, of course, is not true - everyone has their own trials and what may seem insurmountable to one person is small potatoes to another. That doesn't make the first person's struggle any less valid, just different.

Holiday Season

2010-12-04T13:43:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year again - the holidays. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE the holiday season; the music, food, spirit, crafts, and beauty of Christmas are amazing. Up until a year ago, I unreservedly loved the fact that I was able to eat as much as I wanted of all these rich, lavish foods and it was considered normal behavior rather than oft-condemned-by-society habit of overeating.

Even last year, when I'd already been losing weight for 5 months wasn't so bad - I ate everything I wanted and only gained a couple of pounds because I was constantly on the go and burning a ton of calories. Did I feel worse about eating too much and not losing weight? Sure, a little bit, but not too much.

Something this year has changed, though. I've got a lot more conscious of how guilty I can feel if I overeat - and what's more, how unproductive this feeling is. The more that I feel like my eating is out of control and that I've somehow become a bad person for eating that extra slice of pie, the more I tend to eat. It's the "screw it, I blew it" mentality they're always mentioning in Weight Watchers meetings.

It seems counterproductive that the stronger my desire to change my behavior is, the MORE I do the opposite thing. I rather suspect that it's due to the fact that food is a comfort for me - I started overeating because it felt good. As a result, when I feel bad about myself and my actions, that's the first thing I turn to.

Thanksgiving was a trainwreck, and it certainly didn't help that I had a series of fancy dinners/parties to attend both before and after - each neatly spaced about 1-2 days apart. I managed to convince myself that the whole 2-week period was totally blown anyway, so I might as well eat my way through the entire time (as compared to the healthier way of doing things by making healthy food choices in all the intervening meals).

On the Sunday after Thanksgiving, I had a terrible moment when I stepped on the scale and realized that I'd not only managed to gain 7 pounds in the last 7 days (which, granted, included several pounds of water weight and a particularly heavy dinner) but that I'd tipped myself back into the overweight category. Yeah, not happy times.

I was shocked, angry (at myself), and felt helpless because the coming week included several fancy dinners, and the week after that includes my birthday, my sister's birthday, and my birthday party. How could I possibly lose the weight?

And so, I did what I should have done a while ago. I stopped freaking out about those times that I can't control and started taking things one meal at a time. I started loading up on fruits, vegetables, low fat dairy, whole grains, and beans. Every home/work meal was pretty low calorie. Every dinner in a restaurant or at a party was absolutely delicious and I took the time to appreciate it without feeling the guilt. As a result, I stopped when I felt full, not when I'd finished the plate and was feeling absolutely stuffed.

You know what? It totally worked! I'm back down to my pre-Thanksgiving weight already!!! I'm so proud of myself and I think I've finally found something that's going to work for me given my busy social calendar. My self esteem is back to where it should be, and I'm approaching food in a normal way again.

Tomorrow, the birthday celebrations start - first mine, then my sister's 2 days later, then my birthday part next Friday. If I lose weight, great, if I maintain and don't gain, that's great too.

Sunday Funnies

2010-11-14T22:38:00.000-05:00

Throughout this weight loss journey, I've had fun discovering the different euphemisms people use when trying to avoid the question "Have you lost weight?" In fact, at one point, I had a whole collection of these expressions.

Looks like I have a new one for the bunch.

Last night, I went to a concert to see my old college choir perform. The director (who hasn't seen me since I was at my heaviest) saw me, did a double take, and said "MARY! You look great! Look at your...hair!" At that, I laughed so hard tears came out of my eyes.

Although, to be fair, my hair also looked pretty stunning:

In other awkward news, I managed to fall flat on my face in Harvard Square today, an expression which (for once) is not an exaggeration. I tend to stumble in my clogs every now and then - they simply don't provide enough ankle support - but today I tripped and kept on falling. Much to my dismay, my face actually touched the ground. Fun times!

Good intentions

2010-11-10T21:46:00.000-05:00

Have you ever thought to yourself "My diet starts tomorrow/on Monday/after this last cookie" or some variation thereof? If you're anything like me, you've probably thought it a bunch of times. If you're anything like me, as soon as the next day/Monday/cookie rolls around, the promise is quickly forgotten. At that point, I always tell myself that I'll do better the next day.

The problem is not that I don't mean it. No, I mean every word of it. I genuinely do want to eat more healthily, to exercise more, to lose weight. I want to do all of those things very much. And, when I vow to start my diet the next morning, I am firm in my belief that I will absolutely be able to follow through.

The part of me that is loves food, however, is very strong. When satiated with a large meal, it's easy to forget how quickly my desire to weigh less is overridden by the food cravings. How easy it is to fall into the all-or-nothing trap. Either I'm perfect with my diet, or I'm going way overboard. And sadly, the way overboard days seem to have been occurring almost every day.

I need Need NEED to start eating healthily again. For my health, my body, myself. Any suggestions, y'all?

Good news!

2010-10-30T22:23:00.000-04:00

Good news: after more than a year of being unemployed, then underemployed, then working for free, then working for not-much-money-at-all, then working on a freelance, irregular basis, I have a full time job!

I just started last week (hence the reason that I haven't commented on anyone's blogs and pretty much stopped blogging or emailing) and things have been non-stop busy.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new job! It's fun and interesting, my coworkers are all super nice, there's yoga at work on Friday afternoons, and a knitting group every Monday and Wednesday. My work even scheduled a pre-screening of Harry Potter and reserved 4 big screens in a local movie theater so that we can all see it a day earlier than the release date!

There's just one teeny-tiny problem...

The food.

In the six days that I've worked there, there's been a huge amount of free food. That's actually not a problem for most people, but it is wreaking havoc on my diet. Eek! How can I say no to free Au Bon Pain sandwiches and cookies, burritos, chips, and guacamole from Chipotle, Cape Cod potato chips, an almond-honey cake that (I kid you not) a coworker brought back from a business meeting in Spain, doughnuts that my awesome new boss was kind enough to bring in in celebration of my first day of work, an assortment of dutch cheeses, muffins, and an epic feast (mmm...homemade gingerbread) from the Halloween party.

50% of this stuff ends up in the break room, which gets me into trouble during lunch time. The other 50% of this stuff ends up on a table that is literally bolted to the side of my cubicle, calling a siren song of degustatory temptation all day long. All I have to do is stand up and walk 3 feet in order to indulge.

I've started bringing a healthy snack in order to fend off food cravings. I mean, heck! I don't even eat at chain restaurants and I'm not particularly tempted by their offerings normally. That said, there's a peculiar alluring quality to the concept of food that's just sitting around waiting to be eaten.

My coworkers have a really nice tradition called treat day - basically, they hold off all week and then go get a treat during coffee hour on Fridays. I think I'll start doing that too. Having something nice to look forward to makes it a lot easier to forgo the instant gratification of constant snacking.

That special time of the month...

2010-10-20T17:58:00.000-04:00

By reading the title of this post, you might assume that I'm talking about my period. FALSE! Although the subject of my period and how it ties in with weight loss is important, I'll save the discussion of that for a whole 'nother post. I've got plenty to say about the problems I've experienced with my cycles and how it seems to tie in with my weight.

Warning: TMI ahead

What I'm talking about here is an entirely different (though related) time of the month: ovulation. I'm not sure if this is something only a handful of people can do, or whether every woman is able to do it, but I can always tell when I'm ovulating. Don't ask me for details on how I know - trust me, you don't want to hear 'em. A handful of my friends can tell when they're ovulating, most can't. Anyway, I digress.

The point is, from the moment I start ovulating until about a week or two later, I retain water like crazy. It drives me nuts! If I follow my diet strictly, exercise 3-5x that week, and drink plenty of water I consider myself lucky if I only gain a pound or two. On weeks where I eat like a normal person and walk 2 miles/day, I still gain 4 pounds. On weeks where I overeat (but not by that much) I gain 7 pounds. I've monitored my caloric intake, and it sure as heck doesn't add up to 24,000 extra calories in a single week, TRUST ME.

It's all water weight - I drink 10-12 glasses of water a day, and during this magical week I can go hours without peeing. You try drinking 3/4 gallon of water - I guarantee you'll be in the bathroom at least once an hour :-) During that specific week? Not so much.

The upside is, during the week of my period I manage to ahem shed all of that extra water in the space of 24 hours. The downside is, constantly having to stop for pee breaks is a bit inconvenient.

The real problem here is that I let it get to me. I try so hard, and when I do everything perfectly and that effort is not reflected on the scale, I tend to get downhearted. I let myself think "Oh, I'm not going to lose any weight this week anyway, I may as well eat whatever I want." Then, instead of only gaining a pound, I put on 7. Only 4-5 of those pounds are water weight, which means that I actually have to work harder the following couple of weeks to get myself back down to my starting weight.

That's where I've been for the past few months - losing a little weight, gaining huge amounts of it back during the time between ovulation and my period, then getting back down to where I started. I'm SO tired of being at 127 - that's 7 pounds higher than my lowest weight!

This week, I started ovulating on Monday. I gained (no joke) 6 pounds overnight. On Tuesday and Wednesday (today), I experienced those feelings - the might-as-well-eat-anyway ones. And I ignored them - go me! I figure if I can keep this up, I'll be able to keep the momentum going through the rest of the month.

Why I only eat whole grains

2010-10-14T16:07:00.000-04:00

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE pasta. And bread. And potatoes. If it's a carb, then it's pretty certain that I'll love it.

Before I started this whole lifestyle change/healthy eating thing, I used to eat a lot of refined, simple carbs. White pasta, sourdough white bread, potatoes, white rice, risotto. You get the picture. I was never wild about whole grain anything.

When I first started dieting, I switched to whole wheat pasta, brown rice, and whole grain bread. Not because I actually liked the flavor, but because I saved one whole Weight Watchers point per serving just by doing so. What can I say? I'm all about bargains.

Over time, I began appreciating whole grains (particularly whole wheat pasta) for its taste. The nutty, complex flavor required less salt, cheese, and oil to make it taste good. Now, I voluntarily choose whole grains as a matter of course, not only for the added health benefits but also because it is something that I enjoy.

Although I occasionally indulge in potatoes, white pasta, or something made of refined grains, it's been about 1 1/2 years since I did so for more than one meal in a row This weekend, I had the chance to see exactly what happens when I spend 3 days eating only simple carbs.

In a word: TRAINWRECK! I spent the weekend with extended family - a stressful event in and of itself since there are some major differences in the way we view the world - among other things, the fact that I'm a vegetarian makes them scratch their heads in bewilderment at best, and causes pointed attempts to "convert" me at worst.

In an attempt to avoid stirring things up (and also because work required me to arrive at the family reunion so late that I didn't have time to plan or cook food for myself), I just ate whatever I could. At the reunion itself, that amounted to vegetables with a little cheese, white pasta, potatoes, and dessert. Do you see protein in there? I don't!

The rest of the weekend was more of the same - every restaurant we went to didn't seem to have a veggie option, so I ate a salad, cheese, or plain white rice. On the way back, we stopped at a candy store. I actually don't like sweet food, but I was hungry and so I ate some anyway.

By the time I got home, protein-starved, headachy from a constant sugar crash, and hungry because food w/o fiber digests WAY too quickly, I was in a terrible mood and felt so exhausted that I started crying at the dinner table and went to sleep at 8.

I can't believe I ever used to exist like this! How on earth did I eat so many simple carbs for every single meal, day in, day out without feeling like I'd fallen off a cliff?

That said, I could really go for a heaping plate of pasta right now...

Rewarding Good Behaviors

2010-09-29T17:09:00.000-04:00

When I have a bad day, I use food as a comfort tool. Conversely, when I do a good job on something, I like to reward myself as well. Too often, "reward" translates into FOOD. Obviously, that's a cycle that needs to change. After all, if I tie eating to both good AND bad emotions, when will the overindulging stop? That's not to say that I can't enjoy the occasional treat, but I need to stop treating it like an every day occurrence.

Therefore, I've come up with a new way to reward myself: a rewards chart. Yeah, I know it's a technique that is usually only used on kids, but hey, if it works then I really don't care! Every day that I stay within my calorie range, I get a star. For every day that I exercise (above and beyond the 2 miles that I walk every day) I get a star. For every day that I walk the 2 miles, I get a star. For every pound that I lose, I gain 3 stars.

So, the question is, what can I trade the stars in for? Obviously, I have a limited budget, so I can't afford anything too wild.

That said, there are some things I can think of right away:

When I reach 10 stars, I get to buy myself a new wallet (I don't have one right now)
When I reach 30 stars, I will buy myself a new item of clothing
When I reach 70 stars, I'll sign myself up for that knife skills cooking class at the culinary institute that I keep on meaning to take
When I reach 100 stars, I'll book a massage!

After that, who knows? Hopefully by then I'll be at (or near) my goal weight. I want to think of something really special for that - I'm think that an epic shopping trip to buy new clothes might be the perfect way to celebrate that milestone!

Eating like a normal person

2010-09-16T19:08:00.000-04:00

I've given a lot of thought as to why I became overweight. Partly, it's due to the fact I LOVE the taste of food. Paired with a lack of impulse control when it comes to food, I could easily snack the day away. On many occasions, I have. It's also partly due to the fact that I use food as a comfort tool - when I'm feeling bad, it's my go-to way of trying to make myself feel better.

Whatever the reason, I have a hard time stopping once I start eating. Whether it's food on the table or a big bowl full of snacks, I will eat and eat and eat. If it's there, I just can't stop. Even when I feel so full that I feel terrible, I still nibble away on the last little bit of whatever is left.

Honestly, I never thought I'd get to the point where I could just eat like the average person. Sure, I was very successful with Weight Watchers, but that was only because I was counting every single bite of food, carefully measuring out portions and stopping when the Plan told me I had to. Sometimes, that meant I went to bed hungry, but a lot of times that meant I ate until I felt uncomfortably full because, hey, WW said I get 20 points today! That means I HAVE to eat all my points, even if I'm already full! (Sidebar: this is both true and false - you shouldn't eat less than your daily WW points allowance because it's not healthy and you won't lose weight, but if you consistently eat too much volume-wise, you should consider some higher calorie foods so that you don't feel terrible after meals).

Today, I actually ate like a normal person. Not like a person on a diet, not like the food addict I used to be, not like a person carefully trying to maintain their weight. Just a regular person who eats 3 meals a day and doesn't fret about calorie content because they don't need to.

I really thought that whatever internal signal most people use to decide when they're full and need to stop eating was broken in me. Today, I was proved wrong. I ordered an extraordinarily yummy dish consisting of roasted butternut squash, spinach, goat cheese, and asiago cheese over brown rice. I was truly prepared to eat the whole thing - I more or less had enough points for it. It was SO good that I ate it slowly to savor every bite, rather than my AGH I NEED TO EAT AS MUCH OF THIS AS I POSSIBLY CAN AS FAST AS I POSSIBLY CAN normal eating style. I truly savored it, and actually enjoyed it a lot more than if I'd just shoveled it in.

About 1/2 way in, I noticed something funny happen. Yes, the food still tasted great, but when I went to put another bite in my mouth, I found myself unwilling to do so. I felt a little repulsed by the idea of more food in my mouth. As delicious as it was, I didn't want any more (until dinner, that is!) and so I put the remainders in the fridge.

I wasn't hungry anymore, but I wasn't full. What was going on? I know that it takes a while from when you start eating to actually feel full. Could it be that my body was telling me that it had had enough so that I would stop eating before I would up uncomfortably full? Sure enough, 10 minutes (and a glass of water) later, I was feeling perfectly full. Not hungry, not so overstuffed that I felt terrible, but content with the food I had and willing to go 4 hours till the next meal.

Could this be the key? Eat slowly and savor every bite and most importantly pay attention to my innate hunger cues? I'm excited to find out!

A new system

2010-09-03T23:57:00.000-04:00

I've decided that my current system just isn't working, and now it's time to implement a new one. This one is going to focus on finding the motivation that works for me. I had a lightbulb moment while reading Questions for Dessert, a blog written by a non-practicing therapist who is also on a weight loss journey. She mentioned using her therapist training to help her in her weight loss struggles, and it occurred to me that there's no reason that I can't do that too.

After all, I was a psychology major in college! I just completed a rigorous course of therapy based on the cognitive-behavioral approach which aims to make its recipients capable of being their own therapists! I may not be a therapist, but by now I know how to think like one.

So, here's my new approach:
Eliminate irrational beliefs:
Instead of thinking "I am FAT, I will always be ugly, who could ever possibly love me like this, I may as well just eat because it won't make a difference anyway."
I will think affirming statements such as "I am strong, I am no longer overweight because I worked SO HARD, I am beautiful, I went on my first-ever date last week, and I don't need to eat to feel better."

Pay attention to the ABC's
Every behavior has a belief and a trigger behind it. An activating event/trigger situation sparks a belief, which is followed by a consequence. Say, for example, that my friend doesn't call me back (for what seems like the 5th time in a row (Activating event). I then tell myself "she's probably avoiding me. I bet she's mad at me. She probably hates me" (Belief). Instead of trying to talk to her about it or make plans with other friends, I sit morosely at home all evening, lying on the sofa and watching TV while ordering (and eating way too much) takeout. As a result, I end up being entirely depressed.

Now, if I paid attention to the ABC's and catch the irrational beliefs as they happen, my evening could end up being entirely different. After waiting around for a phone call that never comes, I find myself thinking that my friend's probably mad at me. Instantly, I challenge this belief as irrational: her phone could be broken, her significant other is visiting this week and they've been prioritizing their time together, she could have forgotten about our plans, etc. Instead, I resolve to talk to her about it tomorrow and call another friend. As a result, I end up going out anyway and having a wonderful time with the added bonus that I made a brand new friend. I feel happy and energetic.

Pay attention to what I'm feeling, particularly when I'm driven to eat
It's no secret that I'm an emotional eater. If I find myself at the fridge, I need to take a close look at how I'm feeling - chances are, it's not hunger.

Reward myself with things that are NOT food
I've always associated food with comfort and celebration - if I need cheering up, I use food to do it. If I've triumphed at something, food is my way to celebrate what I've done. Doing this associates food with happiness and sadness - without food, I cannot possibly be happy. I need to break this cycle. That's not to say that I still can't love food (because that would be unthinkable!) but I need to stop being addicted to it and emotionally dependent upon it. Instead, I will come up with new rewards like buying a new shirt, going to a yoga class, or doing something fun with friends.

Eliminate self-destructive behaviors
Every time I overeat, that's a self-defeating, self-destructive behavior. The best way to eliminate such behaviors (this will work for just about any negative behavior, by the way) is not to ignore it (this will only make the compulsion worse, or have the compulsion manifest itself in different, equally negative ways), but to counter it with an incompatible behavior. In this instance, if I found myself wanting to snack, I could go get a drink of water, go for a walk, exercise, or do something "healthy." The point is not to distract yourself, but to do the exact opposite of the original negative behavior.

Love myself for who I am, not who I should be
There are many things that I would love to change about myself, but I've spent way too long focusing on my negative attributes. From here on out, I'm going to find something unique to compliment myself about every day. I'm also going to counter every negative thought with a positive one (see above). I want to have excellent self esteem, and I'm the only person who has the power to make that happen!

Aside from the emotional side of things, I'm also going to recommit to writing down what I eat. It's so easy to lose track of the little snacks that happen during the day, and it's even easier to conveniently "forget" about them because they were small and thus didn't count. From here on out, I will be rigorously sticking to my WW points allowance.

Exercise will also be big. My main goal in doing this is to be healthy, and part of that is making exercise a regular part of my life. It doesn't have to be big at first - just something like walking 2 miles every day is a great start.

Writing out my plan like this has given me a huge surge of enthusiasm. I'm excited to start my new "program" because it feels right for me. Will it be a struggle? Yes, undoubtedly? Will it make me a happier, more confident person? YES! And so, even though it won't always be easy, it will be so worth it.

Finding Motivation

2010-09-03T23:15:00.000-04:00

For the past 4 weeks or so, I seem to be yo-yoing up and down, losing and gaining the same 3 pounds. I'll have a couple of days where I diet and I lose weight, followed by a couple of days where I overeat (usually related to a stressful day or having to eat out in a restaurant).

It was so easy to lose the first 16 pounds. I was p-e-r-f-e-c-t for those first two months. Seriously, I did not deviate from my WW plan one little bit! Even last fall and last spring where I had extended periods of time where I didn't lose weight (in the fall, it was because I was performing in a show and wasn't able to measure food all the time during the months of November/December and in the Spring it was because, despite the fact that I was trying hard, my body was so close to its goal weight that it was hard to burn those last few pounds), I was still more or less able to to control what I ate, and I lost weight overall, albeit at a slower rate. Even while on vacation for three weeks in France, I didn't gain weight because I managed to control my portion sizes and exercise lots.

However, ever since coming back from France, it's been hard to start up again. When I came home, it was hard to go back to dieting after all the amazing food I ate while on vacation. Then, my sister came home for a week and because she was eating constantly, I felt like I was being given free license to do so too. Then came the wedding (and boy howdy, I was not going to be dieting while on a fabulous trip to NYC, complete with a rehearsal dinner, picnic in central park, bagels from a kosher deli, epic wedding feast, Indian food for breakfast on multiple days, late night runs to the vegetarian fast food place in Times Square, etc.). Then came surgery, after which I was barely able to swallow and ended up pretty much eating avocados for a week. Then came a string of birthday party/beach days/restaurant meals/celebratory occasions.

The highest the scale ever got this summer was 133, a number that admittedly came after a day of heavy eating combined with the water retention that happens during the week I ovulate (sorry, TMI!). That number I was able to justify, but I had a reality check when a doctor's scale showed me to weigh 128, a number that I could no longer deny. Long story short: somehow, I managed to gain about 13 pounds this summer, though I managed to bring it down to 8. Now, that number's hovering around 5. Yep, I'm now down to 125, a number that I would be more proud of if I hadn't bounced between 125 and 128 repeatedly in the past few weeks.

In the grand scheme of things, those 5 extra pounds aren't a big deal. I've lost them before, so I can lose them again. Still, it's been a real struggle starting back up again. I've decided that I need to find a new source of motivation to get me back on track - my initial weight loss last summer was spurred by the fact that I weighed more than I ever had and felt terrible. My weight loss in the fall was motivated by an upcoming family reunion. My weight loss in the spring was kickstarted by the fast-approaching wedding (with many friends that I hadn't seen since college).

This time around, I don't have the *ahem* vain motivation of wanting to look skinny to impress people. My motivation this time around is to have healthiness be my driving force. I'm still considered marginally overweight for my height and build, so that's one motivation right there! However, I want to make this new weight loss goal also be about exercise and becoming stronger as a person.

Ready, set, GO!

Great High Mountain

2010-08-28T00:24:00.001-04:00

Whenever I'm faced with a physical challenge, I'm often tempted to just give up before I even start. For so many years, I've been too out of shape to enjoy any exercise - even walking seemed like pure torture. I always took the easy way out - took the bus, even when I only had to walk 1/4 mile, never ever ran anywhere (even during gym class), took dance instead of gym during high school, stopped for breaks so often during school-organized or family hiking excursions that quite honestly it was a blooming miracle that I ever made it up a single mountain.

Although I weigh less than I have in years and I am in better physical shape than I've ever been, I still view exercise through the "cop-out" mentality. That's been my default option for most of my life, and old habits are so hard to kick! Even though my body is physically capable of doing more, as soon as I start breathing heavily or my muscles start to burn, I am SO tempted to quit. Or, if I look at an activity like mountain climbing or dancing or walking long distances, I tell myself that I just can't do it. I am, of course, more than capable of doing it, but for so many years I wasn't that it's hard to remember that I am strong now.

A couple of months ago when I was in France, I reached a major milestone: I climbed a mountain. Granted, we drove halfway up it, but I nevertheless hiked for 1 1/2 hours, only stopping twice. Furthermore, I did it without a single word of complaint and was the first to reach the top. This was HUGE! I not only climbed a mountain with a smile on my face, but I actually led the group of climbers (first. time. ever.), didn't stop for breaks every 30 seconds, and never once told myself "No, I can't possibly do this). When I reached the top, I was (quite literally) on top of the world. At that point, I knew that I could do anything - my weight was no longer holding me back.

Every time that I face a physical challenge and I'm tempted to give up, there's a song that I sing to myself to help me keep going. It's a reminder that yes, the journey seems hard and fraught with peril, but beautiful rewards lie at the end. Starting out is always hard, but the most important thing is to remember to take things one step at a time and eventually the road will become easier.

Here are the lyrics, with accompanying photos from my first real hiking experience!

Great High Mountain

(as sung by Jack White on the Cold Mountain soundtrack)

Once I stood at the foot of a great high mountain
That I wanted so much to climb,
And on top of this mountain was a beautiful fountain
That flows with the water of life

I fell down on my knees at the foot of this mountain,
I cried, "O Lord what must I do?
I want to climb this mountain, I want to drink from this fountain
That flows so clear in my view"

Then I heard a sweet voice from the top of this mountain
Saying, "Child put your hand in mine"
I started climbing slowly, "Watch your steps at the edges
And take one step at a time."

I started climbing upward, taking one step at a time;
The higher I got, the harder I climbed.

I'm still climbing upward and my journey's almost ended.
I'm nearing the top and you ought to see the view.
Oh, the water flows freely, there's enough to make you free
So friend if you're thirsty climb this mountain with me.

Fact

2010-08-25T20:02:00.000-04:00

Fact: if you have lost weight, it is inadvisable to keep your old clothing around.*

Specifically, it is inadvisable to grab the nearest item of clothing from your drawers, put it on, and rush out the door without checking the size (or looking at yourself in the mirror) first. (Note to self: don't run late in the mornings...it makes fashion disasters more likely to happen.) Especially when said item of clothing was purchased when I was 30 pounds heavier and several sizes larger.

Fortunately, the pants (which were a hand-me-down from a friend) fit perfectly. The shirt, however, did not. It was like wearing a tent - so incredibly baggy that even the neck was having trouble staying on my shoulders. On the bright side, it helped show me just how far I've come. On the downside, I looked like a candidate for What Not to Wear at work today.

*Actually, it's ok to keep a few items around, but only for the purposes of a Biggest Loser style before and after photo. Learn from my mistake and DON'T KEEP THEM WITH YOUR REGULAR CLOTHING.

Pasta with Creamy Goat Cheese and Tomato Sauce

2010-08-21T09:52:00.000-04:00

This is a very easy sauce to make: the tomatoes aren't cooked, so all you have to do is let them sit and marinate with the other ingredients. Great for those nights when it is simply too hot to stand over a stove, stirring away at a pasta sauce. This recipe is based upon one I found in the Boston Globe a few years ago. Click here to see the original (as well as other fresh tomato-cheese-herb pasta dishes - I'm particularly fond of the brie and tomatoes version).

Note: It is so important to get good tomatoes for this - the bland supermarket versions just won't taste as good. Try to find heirloom tomatoes, or buy tomatoes from the farmers' market, or if you are in a pinch, vine-ripened tomatoes from the supermarket. In a real pinch (or to be cost-effective), you could use whole canned tomatoes.

Pasta with Creamy Goat Cheese and Tomato Sauce
2 1/2 pounds heirloom tomatoes (or any other tomatoes you happen to find that are particularly ripe and tasty)
2 cloves of garlic (or more - YUM!), finely minced
1-2 tablespoons lemon juice
Grated zest from one lemon
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons olive oil
4 ounces mild fresh goat cheese, crumbled into small pieces
1 pound pasta (penne rigate, fusilli, rotini, or any other short, tubular pasta works well)
6 tablespoons chopped fresh herbs (the original calls for mint, but you can also use basil or parsley)
Salt, pepper, and parmesan cheese to taste

Wash and core the tomatoes, then squeeze them (open side down) to remove inner seeds and juice. It is important to make sure that the seeds and juice are removed, or this sauce will be too watery. Roughly chop the tomatoes (this should yield about 5 cups), then mix the tomatoes, garlic, lemon juice, lemon zest, salt, pepper, and olive oil together in a large bowl and set aside.

Cook the pasta according to directions (I prefer mine to be al dente). Drain (but DO NOT rinse) in a colander, then place the pasta back into the saucepan. Toss with the tomato mixture until the goat cheese has melted from the heat of the pasta and the ingredients are evenly distributed. Season with additional salt and pepper (if desired) to taste. Add the fresh herbs and toss to incorporate, then serve warm or at room temperature with parmesan cheese.

Enjoy!

Caprese Salad Recipe

2010-08-14T19:16:00.000-04:00

Okay, to be honest, this isn't so much a recipe as a general set of suggestions :-) Caprese salad is just about the easiest composed salad out there. It has only a handful of ingredients, so be sure to find the freshest, highest quality heirloom tomatoes and fresh mozzarella in order to maximize the flavor.

Caprese Salad
2-6 heirloom tomatoes (depending on size)
A couple of ounces of fresh mozzarella (the kind that comes in water and looks like this. Do NOT get the stuff that Americans put on pizza...it's not the right kind and will taste terrible in this salad).
A handful of fresh basil leaves
A couple of teaspoons of olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste

Wash and thinly slice tomatoes. Tear the basil leaves into large, coarse pieces. Drain and thinly slice the mozzarella. Layer tomatoes, basil, and mozzarella on a plate, then drizzle a layer of extra virgin olive oil over the top. Season with sea salt and freshly ground black pepper. Serve with slices of toasted sourdough bread. Enjoy!

The best tomatoes in the world

2010-08-14T17:48:00.001-04:00

I just went down to the Farmers' Market and bought a huge batch of heirloom tomatoes. I just can't wait to use them for dinner. If you don't already go to your local farmer's market, I highly suggest that you check one out soon. Home-grown tomatoes (and every other fruit/vegetable) taste a billion times better and they come in so many more varieties than you see at the stores.

Seriously, how can you resist these?

128

2010-08-14T15:33:00.000-04:00

When I stepped on the official scale last week, that's how much I weighed.

128

Ouch.

I had kind of been in denial about how much weight I'd gained this summer - 8 pounds overall, 6 of those pounds in about 5 weeks. Basically, I'd been eating WAY too much this summer.

None of this was news to me - I knew, of course, that I was making bad food choices, that I wasn't exercising enough to work off the extra calories, that I was getting into the old my-diet-starts-tomorrow routine. Still, seeing that number on the official scale was still a slap in the face. At least on my at-home scale I could tell myself that I'd just drunk a lot of water or I was wearing heavy clothes or the scale was wrong. No excuses this time, though.

This week, I started to kick things back into gear. I haven't been perfect - far from it - but at least I'm tracking. I usually go above my WW points allowances (though I'm trying to get better about that), but I eat less than if I used my weekly "flex" points so weight is still dropping off. My estimate is that I've shucked about 2 of those extra pounds according to my home scale.

I can't tell you how good it feels to be on track again! Do I still crave certain foods? Heck yeah! I know from experience, though, that the food cravings decrease rapidly after the first week. Is it fun all the time? No, but it's making me feel happier in the long run.

Last week, I took some time to check in with myself. I kept telling myself that eating the high-calorie, high-fat foods were making me feel happier, that I deserved it after a hard day. Honestly, though, I just felt tired, grumpy, and slow after eating all that food. It made me feel terrible, and the amount of shame and loathing I tacked on to it made me feel even worse. And still, I kept eating. Conversely, in the past week, I've felt so bouncy and energetic. My mood has improved dramatically, and I no longer feel like stuffing my face every 10 seconds. The facts are indisputable: I feel a million times better, and WAY happier now that I'm eating healthy foods again.

It's not easy to start a diet, but every day that I forge ahead and make the right choices, it gets a lot easier to keep with it.

The Daily Tally 8/2/10

2010-08-02T22:20:00.000-04:00

Food
Breakfast
1 slice Ezekiel bread
2 eggs
1 oz herbed goat cheese
1 cup spinach (I think this veggies for breakfast thing is becoming a trend!)

Lunch
Leftover quinoa, chickpeas, and mystery vegetable
1 banana

Dinner
Whole wheat pasta with lemony-avocado sauce, almonds, fresh mozzarella, and a sprinkling of parmesan
1 nectarine

Exercise
No exercise today, unless you count standing around on your feet all day as exercise.

While you DO burn more calories standing up than sitting around all day, it's not as much as if I'd done that and exercised. My legs were so sore from yesterday's workout that I kind of slacked when I got home this evening. Here's hoping that tomorrow will be a better day! At the very least, I'm babysitting so that involves a 3+ mile walk w/baby in tow. Yay for scheduled exercise!

The Daily Tally 8/1/10

2010-08-01T22:13:00.000-04:00

Food
Breakfast
1 slice Ezekiel bread
8oz glass milk
1 carrot (what? It's TOTALLY a breakfast food if you haven't gone grocery shopping yet).
2 eggs

Lunch
Leftover quinoa, chickpeas, and mystery vegetable
1 banana

Dinner
Whole wheat pasta with garlic-lentil sauce, zucchini, carrots, and broccoli.
1 oat and walnut cookie

Exercise
Day 2 of the Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred

The Daily Tally 7/31/10

2010-07-31T23:53:00.014-04:00

Food
Breakfast
1 slice Ezekiel bread
8oz glass milk
1 nectarine

Lunch
Whole wheat pasta with spinach, zucchini blossoms (yum!), herbed goat cheese, almonds, and lemon.

Dinner
Quinoa with a mystery vegetable (seriously, I bought it in the Farmer's Market and promptly forgot what it was...all I remember was that it was green, leafy, organic, cheap, and utterly delicious), tomato, cheese, chickpeas, and lemon
1 Nectarine

Exercise
2.5 mile walk PLUS Day 1 of the Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred

The Daily Tally 7/30/10

2010-07-31T12:45:00.000-04:00

Food
Breakfast
Leftover risotto (1/4 cup...shutupIwokeuplate)

Lunch
3/4 cup quinoa
3 cups raw spinach, wilted
1 teaspoon olive oil
2/3 ounce freshly grated parmesan cheese
1 teaspoon lemon juice

Dinner
1 nectarine
Paneer tikka masala
Spinach rice
1 cup cooked spinach
8oz milk

Snack
1 slice Ezekiel bread

Exercise
2 mile power walk

All in all, not bad! I stuck with the diet even in the evening which is my own personal time of weakness. Seriously, after dinner I tend to snack until bedtime :-) Not today, though! I actually felt hungry (as compared to nauseous and bloated) and that's something I haven't been in weeks! The only things that I could have done better were to step up the exercise (at the last minute, I chickened out and didn't go to the gym) and not had risotto for breakfast. Fortunately there was only 1/4 cup left in the fridge, or I probably would have eaten a lot more!

That said, I'm really proud of myself for actually sticking my calorie range, getting some exercise, and not going overboard on the snacking.

The Daily Tally

2010-07-31T12:30:00.000-04:00

In order to keep better track of how I'm doing, I thought it might be fun to write down exactly what I eat every day, as well as how much I exercise. The primary purpose of this is to hold myself accountable - if I write it down, I'm less likely to go wildly off track. It will also help on weeks where I gain weight to see where I went off course, as well as show what works on successful weeks.

Note: this is simply account of what works for me. This is by no means a plan that everyone should use because every person has different exercise needs/restrictions and caloric intake is dependent on size, gender, height, etc.

Let's try this again, shall we?

2010-07-30T10:33:00.000-04:00

Ugh! I feel like the whole summer has been me losing and gaining (ok, mostly gaining) the same 5 or 6 (or 7) pounds. Particularly in the past month or so, my weight is WAY up. I keep on promising myself that I'll get back on track and then I'll do it...for like a day or two.

The thing is, something ALWAYS comes up. It seems like every other day there's been a party, or a restaurant meal, or a trip to the movie theater that serves popcorn with REAL melted butter, or a birthday bash. Not to mention France, my friend's wedding weekend, the trips to Vermont and NYC, and other day trips. At each event, I find my diet derailed for at least a couple of days.

I suppose that there's a lesson to be learned from all of this. There is NEVER going to be a time when I won't have to go to parties or on trips or out to dinner with friends. To avoid those events in order to stay on my diet would be socially isolating and boring, not to mention impossible.

That said, I can be smarter about my choices. If I know a week is going to be particularly bad I could, y'know, actually go to the gym instead of just thinking about it. Even though it's less fun, I could suck it up and order the salad. I can limit myself to one special, high calorie meal per week instead of doing it all day every day.

Right now, that's what I need to do. I've gained a lot of weight in the last month, about 7 pounds or so. That's a large amount on my small frame! Today, I've planned out all of my meals, and I've got a gym session planned. Tomorrow, if it's not too hot I want to try going for a hike.

My diet doesn't start tomorrow, it starts TODAY.

If I had 136 dollars to spend....

2010-07-28T15:47:00.000-04:00

I would SO buy this dress:

As much as I hate to spend money (umm...that is, I hate to spend MY OWN money LOL), I would consider this a worthwhile purchase IF I were at my goal weight. As it is, the dress was a little tight around the top.

Still, I had a fun time "shopping" today, even if I only tried stuff on and didn't buy anything. I really, really, want to reach my goal weight so I can finally go out shopping! All of my clothing is either unwearable (i.e. my old pants would fall off if I tried to wear them) or somewhat loose and baggy. I hate the idea of wasting money, and I don't want to spend money on something that I won't wear for more than a month. On the other hand...I've been at a plateau for a few months, so should I just suck it up and go shopping anyway? I just don't know!

On the bright side, look how far I've come! Looking at myself in the mirror today, I could hardly believe that I was looking at myself.

Today!

The best news of all

2010-07-21T16:35:00.002-04:00

Normally, bragging (especially about test results) is not a socially acceptable thing to do. In this instance, however, I feel perfectly justified.

Why, you ask? What could test scores possibly have to do with losing weight? Who cares if this chick got an A+ on her test?

Two reasons, mes amis. The A+ is metaphorical on this one: I just got the results of my cholesterol test back.

5 years ago, the last time it was tested, my cholesterol was edging out from normal into the borderline high category. At the time, I was a good 18 pounds lighter than I was at my heaviest. I shudder to think about what my cholesterol levels must have looked like last year when my weight had reached its all-time high.

And now? See for yourself:
Total Cholesterol: 150 (ideal is below 200)
Good Cholesterol: 63 (normal is at least 40, ideal is above 60)
Bad Cholesterol: 78 (excellent is below 100, normal is below 160)
Triglycerides: 44 (normal is below 150)

Now, my cholesterol is not only normal, it's optimal. A+ for me! I'm a total overachiever, and spent years in school devoting my time to the pursuit of good grades. While I often pulled in perfect test scores, I can honestly say that I have never been so proud as I was when I received the results of this one.

Being able to fit into cute clothes is definitely a perk, but it's nice to have a solid reminder of the REAL reason that I'm doing this.

Getting going again

2010-07-21T11:56:00.001-04:00

These past few weeks have been...less than awesome.

I would LOVE to say that I've been working out every day, counting my calories, and generally making good decisions. Yes, that would have been nice...

Sadly, not so much. After getting back from NYC for a wedding (end of June), I did ok for a couple of days. And then I fell off the wagon. I had a couple of weeks where I knew I needed to eat in restaurants or go to parties more or less every other day. It was so easy to convince myself that on those days I was probably going to consume too many calories at the restaurant dinner alone, so I might as well enjoy myself and eat what I wanted for breakfast and lunch as well. From there, it was a short jump to deciding that the whole week was blown and I may as well not even try on the days when I wasn't going out to eat too.

I need to stop thinking of weight loss as an all or nothing kind of thing!

When I screw up, I need to take an honest look at myself and say "Ok, yeah, I didn't do so well here. But I can make it better! Instead of eating more (and feeling shame and guilt for doing so), get right back on the horse." I need to give myself permission to move on from my mistakes.

Long story short, I've definitely gained weight. How much, exactly, I don't know. I'm afraid to even go to WW. According to my scale at home, the number is probably +5 pounds. I usually don't gain weight that fast, then again, I've never been this skinny and I know that people who are smaller do burn less calories on a day to day basis.

Whatever the cause, I am getting back on track. My diet doesn't start tomorrow - it starts TODAY.

Blogging

2010-07-21T11:46:00.003-04:00

I've noticed a trend here. Whenever I stop following my diet and start eating too much, I stop blogging. Is it because I am ashamed of what I am doing? Do I avoid posting because I want to only write about my successes, and try to wait until I have something good to write about. Am I afraid of seeming like I've failed in this whole dieting thing?

Honestly, I think it's a combination of all of those things. As I was thinking about it this morning, I realized that maybe I can use this to my advantage. When I experience success, I blog more. When I fall of the diet wagon, I also fall off the face of the blogosphere. What if I flipped this around?

Instead of remaining silent when I'm not following my diet, what if I actually blogged about it? At the very least, it will hold me accountable, make me actually think about food choices logically, and provide an outlet for my frustrations. I'm hoping that since I associate blogging with my successes, when I blog it will motivate me to achieve more!

Strong and confident

2010-07-03T19:34:00.003-04:00

I just took a leisurely stroll down to Central Square and back - approximately 1.6 miles. A year ago, that walk would probably have taken me an hour - both because I'd be going so slow and also because I'd be stopping every block or so because I was exhausted (boy, I was in such bad shape back then). At the end of the walk, I would have been so tired from the effort that I would have been breathing hard and I would probably have gone for a nap.

Today, that same walk took me less than half an hour - and that's because I was walking at what felt like a "slow" pace. I didn't break a sweat, wasn't exerting myself, and I felt energetic afterward.

This is what it's all about, people! Going into this, I was primarily obsessed with the number on the scale. I desperately wanted to look like my size 2 sister, wanted to feel "beautiful." Over a year later, I barely care about that anymore. Instead, I focus on how much more I can do, how awesome I can be, how great I feel when I don't bow out of physical activities anymore.

Sure, finally feeling confident when I try on a new outfit is nice, but the pleasure I get from that is secondary to the exhilaration I feel when I know that I can climb a mountain, dance for 2 hours at a wedding, or go for a walk with my friends. I feel strong and confident, and that's really what this weight loss journey is all about!

What to do when you can't diet

2010-06-22T22:02:00.002-04:00

Let's face it: there are times when it simply is impossible (or impractical) to diet. Say that you're staying at a friend's house for the week. It would be rude to refuse the food she cooks, and I doubt that any polite person would do so. Or, for instance, say that you are on vacation and are only able to eat in restaurants. While there are many healthy options available, even salads quickly escalate into 700-1500 calories (no, sadly, that is NOT a typo).

So, what do you do when you simply can't count calories?

The key, first and foremost, is to follow basic diet principles: eat your veggies, drink lots of water, get plenty of exercise, and pay attention to your hunger signals.

1. Eat your fruits and veggies.
Even on days where I've had to down thousands of calories in the form of fettucine alfredo and chocolate cake, I make sure to always get at least 5 servings of fruits and vegetables, preferably more. This serves two purposes. The first is that you are guaranteeing that even if you are eating thousands of calories of unhealthy foods, you are at least getting an excellent range of nutrients. Secondly, by eating lots of fruits and vegetables, there is far less room for you to eat fat-filled, carb-y foods. By eating a salad or a helping of green beans first, you'll avoid taking that second or third helping of mashed potatoes.

2. Drink lots of water.
I cannot state this emphatically enough. Water helps flush out all the junky stuff you eat, while simultaneously releasing nutrients from fruits and vegetables into your body. Plus, the more water you drink, the fuller you feel. This is especially true with starchy foods - potatoes and rice in particular. As you drink water, the food expands, leaving you fuller faster and longer.

3. Exercise!
Exercise is important for a number of reasons, but it also helps burn of the excess calories you're consuming during a restaurant meal or while you are on vacation. Swimming in the hotel pool or the ocean, going on bike rides, or climbing the nearest mountain are all great ways of getting some exercise in. Some hotels even have fitness centers that enable their guests to work out in situ. It doesn't have to be a full-out cardio session either - instead of taking a cab or train to the tourist site from your hotel, try walking it instead!

4. Pay attention to your hunger signals.
It's so easy to overindulge on vacation. When eating an amazing meal (either at a friend's house or at a restaurant), it's natural to think "This tastes so good - I just can't stop eating it!" Instead of going back for seconds or thirds right away, take a moment to ask yourself "Am I really hungry, or am I just eating because I want to keep that taste in my mouth?" Restaurants are particularly dangerous places in terms of overindulgence. Restaurants, particularly in America, are terrible about serving huge quantities of food on gigantic plates - far more food, in fact, than a person should eat in an entire day. It's as if they're afraid their customers will feel cheated if there isn't several pounds of food on their plate. In my pre-weight loss days, I typically ate everything on my plate, then felt icky afterward. Now, if I'm served too much food, I immediately divide the food on my plate into halves (or even thirds). I eat half the food at the restaurant, then take the rest home for later. Doing this at the beginning of the meal means that I'm less likely to eat more than half because I can still see what the whole portion looks like.

Obviously, these tips and tricks will not work for everyone, but I've found them useful for when I'm on vacation or when I've gone out to dinner. I've even been known to use them when I'm not following my diet (ahem) at home. It's not always possible to follow a diet plan perfectly (or at all) all of the time, but these are my ways of coping with those times when I fall off the diet wagon.

Well, at least I didn't gain weight...

2010-06-22T21:53:00.002-04:00

As you can see from this week's weigh-in, there's not much to report here. I neither lost nor gained weight (well, technically I was up 0.2 pounds on the scale, but this week I was wearing flipflops for the weigh-in which added at least 0.2 pounds. Let's just say I stayed the same weight).

I guess it could be worse...my sister's been here all week, and we've had company over for dinner a couple of times. We also ate in restaurants a couple of times in the past few weeks. Overall, the past few weeks have been tough, diet-wise. Some of it was out of my hands, though there were many instances where I could have made better food choices and simply didn't.

I've managed to counter it with exercise, and that's probably helped keep the weight off. Honestly, it's a little frustrating to exercise like heck and not lose weight, but as I visibly have muscles now, I know that I'm getting slimmer (muscle does weigh more than fat, after all).

Week 39 weigh-in

2010-06-22T21:52:00.001-04:00

Current weight: 120.8 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: 0.0 pounds
Weight lost total: 33.0 pounds

Whole Wheat Pasta with Beans and Vegetables

2010-06-20T22:22:00.004-04:00

This is a super simple recipe and it's so healthy for you! It's very quick to assemble, low in fat, high in fiber and protein (a complete protein because it combines beans and grains), and totally vegetarian. What's not to love?

Whole Wheat Pasta with Beans and Vegetables (serves 4)
8 ounces whole wheat pasta
4 cloves of garlic, finely minced (what? I like garlic!)
8 cups uncooked fresh baby spinach
4 carrots
2 cups cooked cannellini (white) beans
1 1/2 ounces freshly grated Parmesan cheese (note: I used Tillamook cheddar in this pic because that's all I had, but it tastes much better with fresh Parmesan)
4 teaspoons extra virgin olive oil, divided
Salt and pepper to taste

Boil water for pasta, then cook the pasta according to directions (I prefer my pasta al dente to the extreme). It should be noted that the less you cook whole wheat pasta, the more nutritious it is for you. Also? Never rinse your pasta after draining it. Otherwise I WILL END YOU.* Trust me on this one, real Italians never rinse their pasta - if you do, it will get rid of the starch and make the noodles too slippery.

Meanwhile, saute garlic in a large skillet with 1 teaspoon of olive oil until golden brown. Peel carrots and slice into thin rounds. Add the carrots to the pan and saute until crisp-tender. Add the spinach and the beans, and saute until the spinach is cooked.

Toss the pasta with the remaining 3 teaspoons (aka 1 tablespoon) of extra virgin olive oil, then add the spinach-carrot-bean mixture and stir until fully incorporated. Add salt and pepper to taste. Serve and garnish with a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese.

*Just kidding. Sort of. I have strong feelings on this matter.

Training for a 5k

2010-06-19T17:47:00.002-04:00

Ok, this is it! I'm training to run a 5k and this time (wait for it) I'm actually doing it :-) I was reluctant to write anything about it until I'd actually done more than just day 1 of the WW 5k program, but now that I've nearly completed the first week of it I think I'm ready to tell people about it!

Previously, I had done day 1 a couple of times, and it wasn't even a complete day 1 at that. Basically, on the first day, you're supposed to run for 1 minute, walk for 1 minute a total of 10 times. Factoring in a 5 minute warm up and 5 minute cool down, that's 30 minutes total.

Running for a minute? Sounds easy, right? Not for me. I could only just barely do 1 minute, and then I'd have to pause for 5 minutes. I've never run before, so it's very hard for me. The first couple of times I "did" day 1, I'd do the first 5 intervals with 3-6 minute pauses between the 1 minute of running and then I'd quit. I promised myself I'd do the whole thing tomorrow, but then I'd forget about it for weeks or months at a time.

Until this week. I'd just watched a Losing It episode and the mother was training for a 5k. Throughout the episode, she kept on saying "I can't do it. I can't do it. It hurts too much. I can't breathe. I'm afraid." And then Jillian laid down the law about pushing through it, despite the fear that exercise will harm you. She mentioned that it IS painful to breathe when you first start exercising because the lungs are pushing air through your body in a way they never have before.

That really touched a nerve with me. Typically, I've been so out of shape that as soon as I start walking/running, I get out of breath and it hurts to breathe. Truthfully, I'm very afraid of what will happen if I even approach that point, so I just never do it. Jillian gave me a huge wake up call in that respect. Running for 1 minute 10x will hurt like heck, but it WILL make me stronger and it certainly won't make me keel over.

This Tuesday, I decided to do Day 1 again. At the end of the first minute, I was tired and it hurt of breathe. At the end of 1 minute of walking, I felt like I wasn't ready to start running again, but I did it anyway. I finished the second minute. Then the third. Then the fourth. AGONY!

At the end of every interval, I felt like quitting. But, every time I felt like stopping I thought to myself "NO! You have been quitting your whole life. Push through it. Failure is no longer an option."

At the end of the 10th cycle, I was exhausted, sweating and in pain. And yet, tired as I was, I felt like I was walking on air. For once in my life, I looked at a physical activity head on, challenged it, and did the whole thing without any modifications whatsoever. I can honestly say that success has never felt so empowering as it did in that moment. I felt like I could do anything.

Just a few short days later, I've done 3 of this week's 4 workouts (the last will be tomorrow) and I am going strong! Today, I ran for 2 minutes straight, something I never thought I would ever do! Next stop: 3 minutes!

NOOOOOOO!!!! Not spoilers!!!

2010-06-19T16:27:00.002-04:00

Note: no spoilers contained here

NBC, I am very mad at you. Words cannot even begin to describe the anger.

Here I am, diligently catching up on the entire 9th season of Bigg3st L0s3r, purposely avoiding g0ogling anything remotely related to the characters. I haven't seen the finale yet and I didn't want to ruin my BL watching experience with spoilers.

Today, with 8 episodes left to watch, I clicked on a link to the NBC Bigg3st L0s3r homepage in order to see a trainer tip.

And was confronted by the grinning face of the Season 9 winner...right on the main page. NBC you make me so mad!

When blogging meets real life

2010-06-15T15:40:00.002-04:00

Yesterday when I went to the airport to pick up my sister, I had an amazing encounter. I ran into Christine, author of Smiles and Trials, and a few members of her family. It's a pretty amazing story! Click on over to my other blog to see how it happened.

Groan

2010-06-15T12:59:00.003-04:00

I would love to say that this week has been easy, that I have been sticking to my diet. Sadly, that's just not the truth.

The first 5 days were easy, but over the weekend things just got out of control. Socializing with friends, going out to restaurants, and having a house stocked with yummy, tempting foods got me into a rut. I guess overeating is like an addiction or a bad habit. I can stick to my diet for months and months, but if I spend a couple of days eating chocolate cake, cheese, pasta, and all of the other "forbidden" foods, the craving to eat more and more comes back. I'm a food junkie.

There is good news, though! I exercised almost every day this week - I even went for a run. That in and of itself is pretty darn amazing. Even though I haven't been making good food choices, I'm definitely building noticeable muscle tone.

This morning when I woke up, I was a crossroads. Sure, I could eat leftover lemon pepper pappardelle pasta with creme fraiche, arugula, and cheese, but would that really make me satisfied? Even though I knew the answer was no, I caved and ate it anyway. And you know what? It wasn't really what I wanted. It tasted good...it tasted very good...but I felt lethargic and grumpy afterward.

Usually when I make a bad choice for breakfast, I figure that the whole day is pretty much shot and I may as well eat what I want. Today, that changes. Right after breakfast, I squeezed in a workout. For lunch, I had a salad and a bowl of fruit. Right now, I am about to head out on a run.

Today may not be perfect, but that's the whole point of learning how to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Everyone overindulges now and then; the important part is learning how to pick up the pieces afterwards and keep right on going.

Amazing, huh?

2010-06-09T07:55:00.004-04:00

I went to France for 3 weeks, and to be honest, I was expecting to gain a lot more weight than I did. Especially after week 2 and week 3 happened...

The first week, I was utterly virtuous diet-wise. We booked an apartment with a kitchen for the first 6 nights and ate most of our meals there, rather than in a restaurant. Cooking for myself ensured that I knew exactly how much oil was going into my food and enabled me to make healthy choices. Really, though, who wouldn't make healthy choices when faced with options like these?

I loved being able to go down to the open air farmers market every day. It was held every single day, rain or shine, and the vegetables were all SO fresh and tasted fantastic. It was great being able to plan my meals around what was in season and what looked best in the market that morning.

The first half of the second week, I was pretty good too. We were in a different apartment which, although it had a kitchen, we ate in less. My aunt and uncle (who live in a different part of southern France) came to visit and so we went out a lot to eat. At first I stuck to it. Salads for lunch and dinner, dessert only once a week, vegetables everywhere.

Then, I started to eat more...croissants for breakfast, baguettes galore, desserts at every meal. The last week, we were staying in a hotel with no kitchen. ACK! We had to eat out for every meal. I felt a bit bloated towards the end, and started thinking about food as soon as I stopped eating.

And then I got home and weighed in at WW. Only 0.8 pounds up? Some mistake, surely! I was gone for 3 whole weeks. That's like saying I only consumed about 100 calories more per day than I should have, equivalent to a glass of milk or one banana. With everything I ate each day, I had to have been consuming at least 10-20 times that.

I think the key here is walking. We did a LOT of walking - through tourist sites, up to scenic overlooks, even a little bit of hiking (which I'll do a whole separate post on) and each day we came back to the apartment or hotel pretty exhausted. I also think that the last 2 weeks weren't quite as bad as I felt like they were. Was I eating more than I should? Yes. Was I eating less than everyone else? Yes! My parents and sister ate far more than I did - usually 3 course meals at lunch and dinner whereas I only had one (or two, occasionally) and were eating really dense food for all of the courses. As a result, I minimized the amount of calories I was taking in and so I gained less weight.

Now that I'm back, I'm getting right on track again. I have a wedding to go to in less than 3 weeks and a lot of friends who I haven't seen in 1-2 years will be there. I want to look my best so that I can really demonstrate just how far I've come. In the next couple of weeks, I'll be blogging about my exercise adventures and hopefully posting some "before" and "during" pictures of my weight loss journey. Stay tuned!

Week 38 weigh-in

2010-06-06T08:57:00.000-04:00

Current weight: 120.8 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: -0.8 pounds (gained weight)
Weight lost total: 33.0 pounds

Hello from France!

2010-05-21T12:59:00.000-04:00

Just popping in to say hello from France! The post won't be long since the keyboard is all switched around and it's hard to type when the letters are all in the "wrong" places.

So far, we've spent a week in Aix-en Provence and a couple of days in Arles. The open-air vegetable markets are particularly lovely, and everything is so fresh. I've had a lot of fun cooking yummy meals in the apartment we rented and I've been really good about not over-eating (I am so determined not to gain back the weight that I've worked so hard at losing).

I am having lots of fun and will be sure to update more with real posts and pictures as soon as I get back.

Going to France tomorrow!

2010-05-13T00:01:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow I'm heading off to France to visit my little sister! She's been studying abroad in Provence all year and I'll finally get to see where she's been living. My parents are coming along too, so we're making this a family vacation.

I'm sure there will be lots and lots of wonderful food over there, so I may come home a few pounds heavier than when I left :-P Then again...I'll be doing so much walking that maybe I'll even lose a little weight. I guess we'll just have to find out once I get back.

I may or may not be able to sneak in a post while I'm there, but we're trying to make this an internet-free vacation so we'll see about that. Otherwise, I'll be back in 3 weeks with pictures and stories to share. See you then!

Week 37 weigh-in

2010-05-08T11:23:00.001-04:00

Current weight: 120.0 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: 2.2 pounds
Weight lost total: 33.8 pounds

Working out

2010-04-30T21:47:00.004-04:00

I just did day one of this workout. And boy, if my already-sore muscles are anything to go by, I am going to be very tired tomorrow!

Honestly, I was a little surprised, though. Not about the fact that I was going to get a huge workout. No, I was surprised at the fact that I finished the whole workout in one sitting with no breaks. I'm usually exhausted 2 minutes into a workout and either quit or pause frequently for breaks. This time, though, while I was getting an intense workout, I actually managed to complete the whole thing!

I think part of that is due to the fact that I've been exercising lately (at least, more than usual) and so I'm able to do more. However, I think the way this particular workout is structured is helping me too. Jillian's 3-2-1 system meant that even though I was up and moving for the whole workout, I was able to "rest" during some moments of it because some of the exercises were less intense than others. They also show you how to modify the exercises if you're a beginner like me.

Oh, and did I mention? It's quick! Daily workout in less than half an hour? Even on my super-busy days, I can do that (or at least I don't have an excuse not to do that). I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow's workout. This could be the start of a beautiful thing, my friends.

Depending, that is, on how sore my muscles are in the morning.

Exercise is paying off!

2010-04-29T00:02:00.002-04:00

Typically, whenever I start exercising I seem to gain weight (or at least not lose it) for the first week. Up until now, I've never sustained a consistent amount of exercise (i.e. every single day) for more than that first week, so I've never found out whether the weight gain continues after those first few days.

A few weeks into it, I can honestly say that consistent exercise is paying off! True to form, for the first week or so I definitely put on a little weight. Fortunately, I pushed through it and all of a sudden I started to lose weight again I haven't been to a meeting this week yet, but according to my scale at home I weigh about 120-ish right now! So cool!

Exercise...lots and lots of exercise!

2010-04-24T23:45:00.002-04:00

This week, I've really been pushing the amount of exercise I've been getting. For the past 5 days, I've been walking 3-6 miles per day (WOO!) and even managed to go for a (short) run on Tuesday.

I'm able to walk relatively long distances without getting tired, but running is another story. I'd love to be able to run a mile...heck, I'd love to be able to run a quarter of a mile. Truth is, I've never run before. (What, never? No never! What, never? Weeeelllll....hardly ever!)

All joking and Gilbert & Sullivan aside, I've never run more than a block or two. I always hated running and so I did everything I could to avoid it. I never played sports as a kid, and my friends and I often retreated to the library during recess. I think it's safe to say that I'm new to this whole running thing.

As it stands, my plan is to alternate short bursts of running with walking. For some inexplicable reason, I can jog for 5 minutes on a treadmill but when I'm running on the street I can only go for 2 blocks before needing a break. So, right now it's run 2 blocks, walk a couple of blocks. And boy, is it hard!

I'd love to be able to run a 5k before September. The WW 5k training program assures me that I could do it in 6 weeks, but I think that would be a stretch considering my current athletic abilities :-P While I may not be running a 5k by the beginning of June, I hope to be able to run a mile. It may not seem like much to all of the athletes out there, but for me it would be a triumph.

Feeling like a celebrity

2010-04-14T20:13:00.002-04:00

Despite the anticlimactic nature of last week's weigh-in where I reached Lifetime Member status BUT was too late to have it announced in the meeting, this week more than made up for it!

For starters, I actually arrived on time to the meeting :-P The people conducting the weigh-in were so excited for me to use my Lifetime Member card for the very first time. Towards the end of the meeting, they announced my name and my newly-earned Lifetime Member status. Usually, they just hand out a keychain charm shaped like a pair of keys (I supposed it indicates that the member now holds the keys to weight loss success) and everyone claps and that's it. Not this time!

The meeting leader asked me to stand up and come to the front of the room to present my award. I was wearing a super cute outfit that I'd ~~stolen~~ borrowed without permission from my sister and so I confidently strutted up to the front of the room. All around me, I could hear people whispering stuff like "She looks fabulous" and "Wow!" It was kind of nice to have my appearance talked about in whispers and have it all be complimentary! Boy, what a change from middle school...

They presented my reward and then had me talk a bit about what the journey was like, why I decided to come here, what my tips for success were. Then, there was a Q&A session where people asked me questions about how I did it. As I walked back to my seat, people congratulated me and complimented me. By the time I sat back down in my seat, I was glowing! I felt like a mini-celebrity and spent the rest of the evening walking on air.

Week 36 weigh-in

2010-04-14T20:12:00.000-04:00

Current weight: 122.2 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: 1.2 pounds
Weight lost total: 31.6 pounds

Why I should do laundry more often

2010-04-07T10:24:00.002-04:00

Remember how I've been tearing the house apart looking for my WW booklet for the past week and a half? How I'd gone through ~~my filing system~~ stacks and stacks of paper in search of it? I'd more or less come to the conclusion that I'd inadvertently recycled it.

That is, until this morning when I finally got around to doing laundry.* As I was loading clothes into the washing machine, I noticed a certain booklet staring up at me from the bottom of my basket. I have NO clue how it got there. None. My best guess is that my WW booklet is on the floor and somehow got swept up into the basket when I was putting clothes into it last week. That, or it was on the window sill and fell directly into the basket when I opened up my curtains one morning.

I am so happy that I found it! I've lost more than 30 pounds and that book represents all of the hard work that I put into it.

*The fact that it's taken me a week and a half to get around to doing laundry probably says a lot about me as a person, but it's not like I've been wearing dirty clothes. Some of my laundry makes it into my parents' laundry baskets which get washed every couple of days.

Lifetime Member!

2010-04-06T23:08:00.002-04:00

Well, it's official! After months of attending WW meetings, many days of counting points, and 6 weeks worth of maintenance, I'm now officially a WW lifetime member!!! While I still have some weight left to lose, this means that I won't have to pay for any more meetings. Which will save me quite a bundle that I can spend on buying new clothes.

My triumphant weigh-in was somewhat marred by the fact that I was dependent upon my mother for a ride to the WW meeting (I was nannying in a town 20 miles away, just minutes from where she works. She has a car: I don't). Anyone who has ever met my mother knows that she is fundamentally incapable of showing up anywhere on time, even (especially) when it is vitally important for her to do so. I suppose it should have come as no surprise that (yet again) her inability to keep track of time would cause me to miss something I'd been looking forward to for months.

Long story short: by the time my mom managed to get me to my WW meeting, the meeting had just finished wrapping up and everyone was leaving. I got weighed in and the WW employees did a happy dance (quite literally!) in celebration of my achievement of lifetime member status, but I was minutes too late to have my name announced and my prize presented in front of the group, as is the custom. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it was really important to me and something that I'd been looking forward to.

I will NOT let this get me down! Let's celebrate the most important thing of all: today I weighed in at 123.4 which is officially the least I've weighed since I was 15. That's really awesome! I can now squeeze myself into some of my sister's clothing (ok...admittedly it's some of her baggier clothing, but still...) and I'm looking average-sized rather than overweight. WOOHOO!!!

Week 35 weigh-in

2010-04-06T23:00:00.000-04:00

Current weight: 123.4 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: 1.6 pounds
Weight lost total: 30.4 pounds

Where's my book?

2010-04-02T13:13:00.004-04:00

I've spent the past three days turning the house upside down looking for my WW weigh-in book. This frustrates me to no end because not only does that mean my card is lost (I had to delay weighing in for two days until I remembered that I could print it out online and take it to the meeting) but it's also a tangible record of my weight loss journey.

For the past 10 months, I've dutifully taken it to meetings. It's recorded my successes, yes, but also those weeks when my eating wasn't under control. It's proof of my triumph, the fact that I've lost (and kept off) nearly 30 pounds.

And now I can't find it.

I sincerely hope that it's lurking somewhere in my room and not, say, on it's way to the recycling plant in that big pile of papers that I tossed earlier this week. Thank goodness I have this blog, because even if my booklet is totally gone I still have a record - and a more detailed one at that - of this journey.

Week 34 weigh-in

2010-04-02T13:13:00.001-04:00

Current weight: 125.0 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: 1.4 pounds
Weight lost total: 28.8 pounds

Week 33 weigh-in

2010-03-23T13:09:00.000-04:00

Current weight: 126.4 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: -1.8 pounds (gained weight)
Weight lost total: 27.4 pounds

Week 32 weigh-in

2010-03-16T12:14:00.001-04:00

Current weight: 124.6 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: 1.0 pounds
Weight lost total: 29.2 pounds

Maintenance

2010-03-11T11:38:00.002-05:00

Because I'm so close to being at goal (and also because I'm tired of paying for WW), I've decided to go on maintenance. For the past two weeks, I've been maintaining my weight and being able to do so pretty well. Actually, I've had a crazy couple of weeks and I've not been able to eat healthily all the time, but because I'm making good food choices for the meals that I have had some control over, I haven't really gained any weight. That's good, because it tells me that I can manage my weight even when I do have bad weeks.

Yesterday, I walked 4 miles (3 of which were pushing a baby stroller because I was babysitting my prof's baby) and managed to stay on plan for the entire day (in the past two weeks, I've been doing great for breakfast, lunch, and even dinner and then have snacked my way through the evening. And by snack...I mean fudge brownies. The kind with ganache on top. Moving on...) I'm hoping that this week I'll be able to lose a little more weight (ideally, I'd like to lose 10 pounds before reaching my goal) and so this week I'm going to cut out the snacking. And the fudge brownies. For now.

Week 31 weigh-in

2010-03-09T11:37:00.000-05:00

Current weight: 125.6 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: -0.4 pounds (gained weight)
Weight lost total: 28.2 pounds

Week 30 weigh-in

2010-03-02T11:36:00.000-05:00

Current weight: 125.2 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: -0.2 pounds (gained weight)
Weight lost total: 28.6 pounds

Frustrating week

2010-02-27T13:23:00.002-05:00

This week (actually, the past month or so) was really frustrating. It seemed like on days that I stayed on track and followed the plan, I'd gain weight. After 5 straight days of gaining 1/2 pound to 1 pound each day, I was pretty darn mad! How could I be gaining weight while dieting? ARGH!

In reaction, I went waaaaay off track. I ate lots and lots of butter. And bread. And pretty much all of the high-calorie foods I haven't eaten in months. This, of course, only made me gain more weight. Which in turn made me want to eat even more.

Yesterday, I had an epiphany about why I've been gaining weight. In the WW plan, you can eat an unlimited number of vegetables, a fact that I love because I know that I can eat them whenever I want. Lately, I've been taking extreme advantage of this rule. It's gotten a little excessive. I've been eating vegetables so much that I'm ignoring when I'm full and at each meal I stuff myself silly on vegetables.

I finally remembered that WW cautions you that eating excessive amounts of vegetables will tack on a bunch of extra points. All of this weight that I've been putting on has been due to this. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop eating vegetables entirely, but I am going to reign it back into the 5-10 portions per day category :-)

This week, I'm going to try and pay better attention to my hungry signals. Just because I have enough points left to eat 2 cups of fruit doesn't mean I have to. Even though I've budgeted for 2 potatoes, if I'm feeling full then I should just stop there. When I'm full, I should stop eating, plain and simple.

There's a WW plan (not the points system) which allows you to eat what you want (within reason) without measuring out each meal. It's more restrictive than the points system since you can only eat fruits, vegetables, lean protein, one whole grain serving per day, plus two teaspoons of healthy oils, but you eat only when you are hungry and stop when you are full. The idea is that you won't eat more than you need to. I'm going to try this out (but also be sort of tracking to make sure I don't go over my daily points goal) to see if this works. In the past two days since I started doing it, I've noticed that I've shed most of the weight that I "gained" last week, so it seems to be working quite well.

Week 29 weigh-in

2010-02-22T13:22:00.000-05:00

Current weight: 125.0 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: -1.2 pounds (gained weight)
Weight lost total: 28.8 pounds

Mystery solved!

2010-02-17T15:30:00.002-05:00

I finally got to the bottom of why everyone's been really noticing my weight loss all of a sudden in the past two weeks. It's my face! Up until 2 weeks ago, I was still carrying a lot of fat on my face and even though I only weighed 126 (and was no longer overweight), I still had a double chin and puffy cheeks. Even though I'd lost a lot of weight, my face still looked chubby and so that's what people were paying attention to.

The past 1-2 pounds I've lost seem to have disappeared directly from my face and now the double chin is (mostly) gone and my face is gaining definition and tone. My neighbor is the one who finally tipped me off by saying "your face looks really thin all of a sudden" and yesterday my parents told me that my face had suddenly dropped a lot of weight.

I looked at my face in the mirror last night and it looks totally different - thinner, yes, but it also seems to glow with confidence and happiness - two things that had been missing for so long. For the first time ever, I looked in the mirror and thought "Hey, I look pretty!"

Goals for the week

2010-02-17T15:27:00.002-05:00

This week...well...let's just say that some weeks are better than others and that this was not one of them. Frustrated by the fact that I didn't seem to be losing any weight, no matter how hard I tried, I threw up my hands and said "oh, whatever." The following 3 days were a train wreck. I managed to eat half a stick of butter (through one dish or another) in one day. I ate 12 cookies another day.

I wasn't even enjoying myself, but I felt like if I wasn't going to be losing weight anyways, I may as well eat all of the stuff I haven't been consuming while on WW. I know, I know, it wasn't even rational. It wasn't even like the calories went to something worthwhile, like a meal in a really nice restaurant.

At the meeting, the leader reminded us to go easy on ourselves and to avoid the "screw it, I blew it" attitude (basically, the idea that if you mess up once and eat one cookie, you may as well eat the whole package because you've ruined that day/week anyway). This week, I am going to keep that in mind. If I mess up once, I need to give myself the freedom to move on from that point by saying "it's ok."

Other goals for the week include recommitting to tracking, drinking more water, going to the gym at least 3 times this week and walking 2 miles on the days that I don't go, cutting down on fats and sugars, and doing weight training.

30 pounds!

2010-02-17T15:10:00.002-05:00

I finally hit that 30 pound mark! I am so excited, because it's been a goal I've been striving for for a while now. Heading into the meeting, I was certain that I was going to be a up a pound or more - for reasons that I will explain shortly - so it was a surprise to see that I was down 1/2 a pound!

They announce milestones like this in meetings which is something that I really like. It's a way of publicly celebrating a major accomplishment with a room full of people who really get what it means. When they announced that I'd lost 30 pounds, I became a minor celebrity for a few minutes and many people came up to me afterward to either congratulate me or ask for tips. It felt great!

Week 28 weigh-in

2010-02-17T13:48:00.000-05:00

Current weight: 123.8 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: 0.4 pounds
Weight lost total: 30.0 pounds

Happy Pancake Day! (err...I mean Shrove Tuesday :-P )

2010-02-16T11:56:00.001-05:00

In Great Britain, people always eat pancakes on Shrove Tuesday (the day before the beginning of Lent and Ash Wednesday - similar to Carnival in Catholic countries) and it's often called Pancake Day. It grew out of a need to use up butter, eggs, fat, and sugar before Lenten fasting began. Nowadays, pretty much everyone over there does it regardless of whether they are Church of England or not.

My dad is English and moved here 24 years ago when he married my mom, so we always celebrate this day by making "English" pancakes which are thin like crepes. Traditionally, they are eaten with lemon juice drizzled over the top and sugar (granulated or powder, depending on preference) sprinkled on top of that. You then roll up the pancake, sugar and all, into a tube and eat it.

Here is a pancake recipe similar to the one my family uses. Enjoy!

WOW!!!!!!

2010-02-12T11:35:00.002-05:00

I just tried on my junior prom dress (which I last wore when I was 15) and it fits. Words cannot describe the excitement :-)

Being honest with myself...

2010-02-11T18:32:00.002-05:00

In the past few weeks, I've prided myself on staying "on plan." However, my rate of weight loss has been slowing down (back in the summer, I was losing at least 1-2 pounds per week). As long as I lose weight rather than gain it, I'm doing the right thing diet-wise and so I don't technically need to change anything. However, at this week's meeting I took some time to consider how I've been staying on plan and honestly evaluate whether or not I'm following the WW guidelines.

Am I tracking?
Ummm....sort of? Every day, I keep a mental tally of how many points I "spend" but inevitably end up going over by 5-7 points (at the very least) and I'm not keeping track of the times I graze around the pantry. An almond here and a handful of cheerios there do add up.

Am I measuring the foods I do eat?
Nope, guilty as charged! I've gotten pretty good at eyeballing things, but I *ahem* tend to underestimate the points of things.

Am I writing down all of the zero-point snacks?
Nope...as I said above, even though a single almond or a few bites of cereal equals zero points, when you multiply them by 5 or even 10 then that's a few extra points right there.

While I'm doing pretty well with weight loss right now, I'd like to go back to being honest with myself about what I'm eating. Tracking really worked for me, and I'd like to go back to doing it again. My goal for this week is to write down everything I eat so as to avoid the "cheating" I've been doing.

Niceties

2010-02-10T21:43:00.002-05:00

I've been losing weight steadily since June. I haven't lost all that much recently (maybe 5 pounds in the past month, which is nothing compared to the 24 I'd already lost), but all of a sudden people are commenting on my new figure.

It's been rather amusing listening to the way people skirt around the issue. I can only assume that they think it's impolite to simply say "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!"

I think that's a perspective unique to skinny people. Those who have struggled with being overweight or have worked hard to lose weight welcome such comments with open arms. It is an affirmation and celebration of the hard work we have done.

Some "polite" ways that people have told me that they've noticed my new look include:
*You look GREAT!
*You're just...glowing (they always pause in search of the right word)
*You look...happy
*You look really...in shape.
*Wow, you look...fantastic!
*Have you been working out?
All of these are generally accompanied by a really intense look is meant to convey the sentiment I-know-you've-lost-weight-but-I-am-too-polite-to-mention-it-outright-so-I-will-instead-give-you-this-look

Week 27 weigh-in

2010-02-09T23:05:00.000-05:00

Current weight: 124.2 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: 0.8 pounds
Weight lost total: 29.6 pounds

Decisions, decisions

2010-02-09T12:00:00.002-05:00

Last night I went out to eat at a restaurant and I could feel my resolve wavering.

I did all of the sensible things that you're supposed to do before going out to eat. I looked up the menu ahead of time and picked a few diet-friendly options that were low in fat and high in vegetables/protein. I figured out the points value of each and narrowed my selection further. I ate "light" meals during the day so that I'd have plenty of calories to spare for dinner. I made sure not to go on an empty stomach so that my hunger wouldn't make my decisions for me. And still, I nearly wavered.

I went out with my mom and dad (both of whom are on diets...although they have fallen off the diet wagon hard and are struggling to get back on it). Both decided "awww heck with it, I'm going to order what I want" and ordered some extremely tempting food, much of which was deep-fried. (Note: I'm not judging them for doing so - I'm guilty of doing this too and I know just how hard it is to stick with a diet).

As I read the menu, my eyes lighted upon the specials. Ravioli with a pesto cream sauce. Pasta? Cream? Pesto? Three of my most favorite foods together in one dish. How could I say no? Spurred on by my parents own food choices, I felt like I had free license to order this dish. I mean, if everyone else was going to do it, why shouldn't I? I even said aloud, almost defensively, "Well, I'm going to enjoy myself tonight and order this dish."

However, when the waitress arrived to take our order, I surprised myself and ordered the salad. I think I had taken time to evaluate whether I really wanted those ravioli (ok, yeah, I really wanted those ravioli. A lot. But not for the right reasons). I was ordering them only because they were there, because I could order them without judgment, because I had convinced myself that I needed to eat them.

I remembered that my weigh in was tomorrow. How hard I had worked this week. How frustrating it would be to have this one meal make me gain back some of the weight I worked so hard to lose. How much better I'd feel if I ate that salad. How I had budgeted extra points and bought myself a candy bar to reward myself when I got home.

And so I ate that salad (which was actually pretty tasty). And yes, I stared longingly at my parents plates, yearning for pasta and fries and potatoes and cream and cheese. But in the end, I was glad that I had made the right decision. It wasn't fun or quite as satisfying as the pasta would have been, but it gives me confidence that I can keep the weight off in the future.

Teeheehee

2010-02-05T11:37:00.001-05:00

This morning my pajama pants actually fell off my hips as I was walking around the house. Guess who needs to go shopping?

Water retention

2010-02-04T10:26:00.003-05:00

Well, as you can see this week I'm up 0.4 pounds. I was pretty grumpy when I stepped on the scale this week, because I had been following plan and should, at the very least, have stayed the same weight, if not lost a little, right?

And then minutes later I discovered that it was that time of the month for me (a whole week and a half early...ARGH!). Suddenly, it all made sense. I retain water like crazy in the week leading up to my period. Even if I follow my WW plan, I lose minimal weight or stay the same or even gain weight. It didn't help that I was wearing a bulky pair of jeans this week and last week I came in with my gym clothes which are about 1 pound lighter in comparison.

There is a good side to the whole water retention thing, though. The week after my period (this coming week) I shed the weight rapidly (and then some). For the last couple of months, that's been 2.5-3.5 pounds in one week. When I stepped on my scale this morning I was already down about a pound.

I'm so close to reaching my goal. The last few pounds are the hardest to lose, but I know that I can keep with it. It's important for me to focus on how great I feel and to remind myself of how far I've come, rather than focus on how much work I still need to do.

Week 26 weigh-in

2010-02-02T19:23:00.000-05:00

Current weight: 125.0 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: -0.4 pounds (gained weight)
Weight lost total: 28.8 pounds

Pleasantly surprised

2010-01-26T22:56:00.002-05:00

When I stepped on the scale today, I was pleasantly surprised to see that I had lost 1.2 pounds. All of the week before last (the week that I lost 3.2 pounds) whenever I stepped on my bathroom scale it registered a 1/2 pound loss each morning. That was super motivating for me because I knew that my hard work was paying off.

This week, even though I followed plan for the first 3 or so days I wasn't seeing any weight falling off the scale. I'll admit it, I got frustrated and figured since I wasn't losing any weight I might as well enjoy myself. I ate way too much the next two days until the numbers on the scale had gone up. The past two days, I have focused on staying on plan so that the week wouldn't be a total loss. Imagine how surprised I was to see that I had lost weight!

This past week has given me motivation to stay strong and head into the next week with the right attitude. I noticed that when I ate healthy stuff, I felt better, had more energy, and felt clear-headed. When I ate large amounts of chocolate and popcorn and other snacks, I felt lethargic and mopey and I didn't really enjoy them. The lesson is clear: eating well helps influence my mood and energy.

Week 25 weigh-in

2010-01-26T22:54:00.001-05:00

Current weight: 124.6 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: 1.2 pounds
Weight lost total: 29.2 pounds

Good week!

2010-01-20T00:31:00.002-05:00

As you can see, this week was a great week. I stayed on track, ate at least 5 (and usually more like 7-8) helpings of fruits and veggies every day, and even got to the gym a couple of times. I'm so close to being the weight I want to be and it's exciting to be so near to achieving that goal. Also, as of this week I've lost a total (since June) of 28 pounds which is AMAZING!

Week 24 weigh-in

2010-01-20T00:30:00.000-05:00

Current weight: 125.8 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: 3.2 pounds
Weight lost total: 28.0 pounds

Skinny feet!

2010-01-19T17:53:00.002-05:00

I've always had small feet (size 5-7, depending on the brand), so even at my heaviest I'd never considered the fact that my feet were also "overweight." I mean c'mon, they're FEET! They can't get bigger or smaller depending on weight, right?

The other night, I noticed that a pair of shoes I'd been wearing were loose. Really loose. We're talking my-feet-are-actually-wobbling-around-in-them-loose and the width of the shoe was about half a centimeter wider than my foot. That's odd, I thought, but I guessed that the leather had probably stretched because I wore them so much.

Fast forward to tonight. I decided to try on a pair of heels that I wore to Senior Gala. They were so cute, but they were too tight! I'd ordered them online and while the length was fine, the straps cut into my foot because my foot was too wide. On a whim, I decided to try them on in the hopes that maybe they'd fit now that I'd lost weight. Guess what? They now fit perfectly! Oh, and they match the cute sweater I bought yesterday :-)

In other news, I tried on a dress I bought in May when I weighed the most and now if I were to wear it I'd need to take in about 5 inches.

Shopping!

2010-01-18T16:53:00.003-05:00

Today I went to the mall with my mom. I fully expected to browse but not buy anything due to the fact that I'm not done losing weight and also because I have no money :-)

And then, I saw it...a sweater that beckoned alluringly to me from the sale rack. The moment I saw it, I instantly knew that as soon as I tried it on I would fall head-over-heels in love with it while simultaneously realizing that just a few months ago I would have mocked for being too girly and frivolous. I mean, c'mon - there were like 10 bows on it!

Nevertheless, I tried it on and proceeded to fall madly in love with it. I also proceeded to fall madly in love with the little tag on the back that said "small," as well as my newly acquired slender waistline. I've been wearing old clothes for months, clothes that are a bit baggy, to say the least, and don't showcase how much I've slimmed down.

I'm pretty much happy with the way the top half of me looks now, and I finally like the way I look when I try on shirts and sweaters. My thighs are still holding out on me and that's where the remaining weight that I lose will come from. But for now? I'm happy with my new sweater and I'm rejoicing in how far I've come.

See what I mean about the bows? There are so many of them, but for some odd reason they actually work!

How is it...

2010-01-16T17:33:00.003-05:00

...that I run into someone I know at the gym every single time I go? I mean, I grew up in the same city, so it's not surprising when I run into old babysitters/people I went to elementary and high school with/their parents/people I knew from the various music programs I was in as a kid...but still! I live in a city of 100,000 people - I shouldn't run into someone I know all the time :-)

I've even run into people from college (not such a stretch since it's an all women's college and a women's only gym - they cater to the same demographic), and today I ran into someone from the show I was recently in. One time, a whole corner of the dressing room was inadvertently populated entirely by women from my alma mater - and almost none of us had ever met before I mentioned something about college to my friend, at which point half the room turned around and chorused "I went there too!!!"

Crazy, huh?

That's more like it!

2010-01-16T14:24:00.003-05:00

Well, I'm finally going back to Weight Watchers....gaining 1.4 pounds over the past 6 weeks isn't too bad, considering those 6 weeks included post-Thanksgiving wrap up, my birthday, an intense performance schedule, Christmas, and New Years. In fact, it could have been a lot worse.

This week, I've actually stayed on plan (though it was a struggle at first) and I think I've lost weight already. I'd gotten into a pattern where I was telling myself "I'll lose my holiday weight, then I'll go weigh in." Really bad idea. It just gave me free license to eat, and I kept on putting off going back to my WW plan. Not surprisingly, I didn't lose any weight :-P

Then, last weekend a friend tagged a photo of me on facebook - and it was a photo from April when I weighed the most. I cringed and wanted to un-tag it because it was so unflattering. But you know what? It provided the motivation I needed to get back on track. This week, every time I was tempted to dive into a bag of chips, or eat popcorn with half a stick of butter, or snack on cheese throughout the day, I thought of this picture. I think it's going to be my "before" picture once I've finally stopped losing weight :-)

Week 23 weigh-in

2010-01-11T14:22:00.002-05:00

Current weight: 129.0 pounds
Starting weight: 153.8 pounds
Weight lost this week: -1.4 pounds (gained weight)
Weight lost total: 24.8 pounds